A Letter to My Old Self

I’m not going to apologize for my healthy state of mind, my body, or any success

I’ve worked at improving all of these things every day for years

Pretending I’m not proud of the feats would be a disservice

To myself, because I’m the only one who has truly seen & experienced the most dark, heavy, loathing, nightmarish parts of me that had to be faced before they consumed my soul whole

To you, because you deserve to know that even when you feel you won’t ever find the light, you can know it’s there & possible to get through it, & because of it you’ll shine brighter than ever

One day I hope you too hardly even recognize your old self

I hope you honor the season you’re in & understand that choosing to release the heavy means knowing you are deserving of lightness, worthy of peace, & capable of sustaining your shine

I refuse to pretend like I’m struggling or like the struggle is “normal” when I live to show others that it’s all conquerable

This is really a letter to my old self who would’ve wanted me to feel better while also choosing to find safety within the self-defeating confines of my own mind & destructions

She feared the depression would kill her while taking great comfort in knowing she could dismiss her needs as burdens or herself as unworthy of peace despite all the good in her life

She thought the disordered eating may never be conquered & the body loathing would be a running normal that she clung to so tightly for control since learning to trust in freedom & her true self could be far too isolating when she’s been accepted & celebrated for the very results her darkness created

There’s been pain, grief, jealousy, frustration, confusion, loss, doubt, & the array of human emotions which have layered so beautifully in my life to allow me to experience the peace, love, freedom, certainty, passion, fulfillment & all those soul freeing emotions

I’m not going to apologize bc it is vital to growth & peace as the most true version of yourself that you release the addiction to pain, distractions, fear, fallacies, expectations, & other destructive behaviors or patterns
☀️🌥⛅️🌤☀️
#BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY

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