Dealing with loss 1 year later
One year ago I lost the most influential, kind, loving, and selfless woman in my life.
My mom was an inspiration to me. I have so many amazing and positive memories with her but living without her is something I never thought I’d have to do so young. I look at these photos and videos and think about how incredible she was. She was Strong willed, open, extroverted beyond belief, opinionated, and always eager to help.
She was so supportive of me and my sister and I loved seeing how she loved my dad. I miss her every day. It’s just not the same without her. Last year on this day when I found out my mom was gone I felt a piece of me die with her. I can't describe it. I crumbled and my whole family felt the weight of the unimaginable and indescribable pain of losing her.
I have struggled so much the last year. I have triumphed many days too. The world was so grey when I lost her. I can remember the drive on the way to the burial and I felt numb. The trees were dull the sky was limited and there was no more pop. I don’t think I could hear anything either. It felt eerie and depressing. I wanted nothing more than to be with her again.
Contending with the loss of my mom, knowing I’ll never see her again, comes in waves. I can carry the amazing lessons, memories, and moments forever but nothing beats her presence. We used to talk every single day sometimes multiple times a day. We would call each other over random things or send lil texts throughout the day.
She amazed me with how many people she kept up with and cared for all while working her butt off. I can still hear her laugh and her voice and feel how her hand felt in mine which brings me great comfort and sadness. Remembering her on this day is bittersweet because it was heartbreaking and traumatic.
I am blessed with the best dad and the best sister though and never take that for granted. She gave me so much and I’ll always remember her for her electric spirit and warmth. I see her in dreams sometimes or the hummingbirds and the sky has opened up each day since her passing and I’ve become more like myself with time. But it’s hard when your entire world changes and you grieve everything that was
Order yours NOW!
So excited about my mental health prompt calendars arriving in the mail yesterday! 🤗😍
Orders are shipping out all week so make sure you order your printed copy ASAP!! 🤩
How it works:
•You receive the calendar in the mail
•You scan the QR code on that month’s page
•A website populates displaying a visual of all the square boxes you see here filled in with prompts, activities, affirmations, and mental health tools
• You then fill in the squares throughout the month and track your commitment to yourself and your goals in the personal goal tracker section!
You’ll also receive a digital copy of the calendar when you order. The printed version is bound with a spiral binding and can be hung on your wall. The top page (if you were hanging it) is a quote and the bottom is the planner piece for you to fill in.
I designed this with every one in mind. Regardless of how you like to use a planner, there is a way for you to use it!
Aligning Actions and Goals
Do you ever notice that when you’re executing day in and day out on your standards and commitments for yourself or your to-do items or the plan in place that you feel better about yourself?
I have seen a pattern where clients will feel amazing about themselves on days they “nail” it and then less amazing on days they perceive a “failure”.
This is something I’ve experienced too, the more I do what I say I will, the higher my efficacy, esteem, and view of myself.
I think most people would agree on days they act in alignment with their goals and their next level self, the better they feel.
It’s a way of embodying the version of ourselves we seek to become and believe is better off or more confident and capable than the version of our current self.
So it feels good when we execute.
When you set unrealistic expectations and standards for yourself or try to follow a plan you don’t have any deeper connection or meaning to, you are probably not going to be as likely to meet those expectations and therefore you’ll probably feel less positively about yourself.
When you feel discouraged, quitting will only reinforce negative behaviors and affect but if you can instead step back choose a new next step that is more likely to help you become the version of you who is capable of succeeding on the step you just tried to take them that will support your growth!
Rather than existing in critical judgment you’re now existing with a strategic judgment of your behaviors, beliefs, needs, and opportunities.
Next time you have a moment of feeling bad about yourself, try to identify if there is or was something that happened that relates to not fulfilling an expectation, falling short, or feeling lesser than you’d like to be…then on a day or moment where you feel super good about yourself, take inventory on the % of your behaviors that were aligned with the version of you you’re working toward.
So, do you ever notice this? That the more pride you have in yourself and your behaviors then the better you tend to feel about / perceive yourself.
Would love to hear your experiences.
Wowwwww My heart is SOOOO frikkin full after hosting this incredible event with the @glamgirlbikini team
What started as a thought on a hike with @amyehinger turned into something inexplicably amazing!
I’m so grateful that they trusted me to not just contribute to the event but host alongside them and be part of getting this amazing group of women together!
I am blown away by the strength, vulnerability, kindness, and spirit in each of these athletes
I felt so at peace among these women knowing they were all there with such incredible intentions and commitment to learn and support each other!
Spending time with each of you was a blessing and I am so looking forward to many more in the future💜🤗
Thank you to everyone who came and spent this weekend with us! I know I’m not just speaking for myself when I say it meant the world to have you there
I always struggle for words after an event because it’s a lot of “you had to be there” type of feelings!
If you’re wanting to come to a Build More than Just a Body event in the future you can add your name to the list at www.buildmorethanjustabody.com and I’ll get your name on there so you'll be among the first to know if there’s an event near you and get first access to tickets!
Next stop for me is the @angelcompetitionbikinis fashion show expo (tickets are currently available!) and then after that I’ll be speaking at a luxury bodybuilding retreat (@hollyfitatfifty_ifbbpro is the lovely hostess) and then got some exciting updates beyond those so get your name on the list for more updates!
Common but not Normal
Just because something is normal or common doesn’t mean it should or has to be.
Post-show CAN be hard but it isn’t definitively difficult.
Post-show CAN actually be really freeing, empowering, revealing, and rewarding.
It does not need to be feared at all.
We have to change the conversation around post-show enough to illicit less fear.
I get that it can be hard for many which is literally what sparked me doing what I do from the post show program to my food relationship healing program or my on demand mindset Coaching platform for competitors…I LIVE to help competitors with their mental health.
But mental health isn’t always about being reactive.
Much like any other opportunities for growth and health, we can be proactive and would be better off if we were.
Imagine if you didn’t fear the post show experience.
If you’ve been through it before, and it went less than ideally, it is normal to fear it because your proof for it is that it is hard.
Similarly, if others say it is very difficult and scary, it’s normal for people who have never experienced it to be worried about it.
But you don’t have to go through it all alone.
There are many things you can do during prep to prevent some of the challenges that you’re likely to face.
We can’t deny that post-show brings challenges we have to face but we don’t have to fear them if we prepare for them.
And please know, you’re NEVER a lost cause. Literally never. Your brain has the powerful ability to change so if you’re willing to illicit change, you CAN.
Even if you’re months or years into the struggle, it’s okay to get help and do something about it rather than putting pressure on yourself to figure it all out on your own or subscribe to the belief that you’re just not cut out for the sport.
Being cut out for the sport, being successful in the sport or any fitness journey for that matter, can be developed, learned, built on…
Let’s work together to identify your strengths, overcome your struggles, and put an end to the mental challenges acting as road blocks to the success you desire in any season.
You can enroll in free coaching series or learn how to work with HERE!
Do you trust yourself?
This is a topic that has come up repeatedly this week with clients.
It is fairly easy to assume that someone who doesn’t trust themselves to show up and do what they say they’re going to do, including yourself, just doesn’t have the discipline.
While this is “technically” true & a major contributing factor as well as helpful solution, it’s not always the whole picture & we have to work to set up the person and system to be able to adhere, structure, & feel committed to the expectation beyond just because they “should”.
We can evaluate why someone isn’t showing up for themselves…
I tend to find it can be due to reasons including but not limited to:
- having a schedule or routine they don’t actually like / want to follow
- nagging “should” mentality
- all or nothing thinking that reduces tolerance to imperfection
- past or recent trauma which could be impeding on beliefs, mental health, and worldview especially around trust or life’s meaning
- too many negative reinforcements and not enough positive recognition
- detachment from intrinsic values and motivators
- limiting beliefs that they are not worthy, deserving, or capable of achieving the results they desire so why bother anyways
- past experience with showing up, not getting the expected result, and choosing to believe that means the effort was meaningless
- unfair expectations
- difficulty with boundary setting or saying no to adding more to their responsibilities
- lack of support from micro, macro, and mesosystems
- no positive or consistent example of what a trustworthy relationship might look like so limited insight in self-application and development or reinforcement when present
And I’ll leave it at those for now because I can assume that you or someone you’re trying to help is likely able to identify with at least one of those and can start there.
Once you determine what is likely keeping you from trusting yourself, identify one way to combat / support yourself through this.
Need help with this? DM me, I’m happy to help!
Let’s #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY 🤗
📸: @rainyboyphoto back in 2020🤯
Future Live Events!
Just a bunch of strong women in the same room eager to spend time on their personal development and #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY
I am sooo excited for this weekend! I will be hosting an event with @glamgirlbikini team and just cannot wait to meet everyone!!
You can still purchase a ticket at glamgirlbikini.com/2022-retreat.
If you can’t make it, you can always get your name on my live event update list and suggest locations at www.buildmorethanjustabody.com
After this weekend my speaking schedule will look like:
@angelcompetitionbikinis Fashion Show Expo in March
A bodybuilding retreat in Mexico that is invite only (you can dm me for details though) happening in May and I’ll be contributing may 14 and 16.
A TBA speaking engagement that will be for a well known bodybuilding team’s retreat (So excited!!!)
And Right now the plan is to host another event at the end of the year in Tampa with @lexiemait
I have even talked about one in Texas with @miaifbbpro so just know the ideas are flowing and if you express interest it makes planning much easier!
I intend to be in the game for a very long time soooo, we have a lot to look forward to and I’m INCREDIBLY grateful for all the opportunities thus far and continuing to come
Plus, I have a mastermind in the works that will be a year long program starting in 2023 which will serve as a psychoeducation support group so if you get on the list you’ll always get details and you can message me anytime too
I JUST LOVE THISSSSS! Thank you for supporting the mission and being part of it!🥰
Your Body isn't the Problem
On the surface, you might believe you have a problem with how your body looks or is responding.
but if you peel back the layers a bit more.
you’ll probably find that it’s not your body image that’s causing issues…
it’s the ideals, beliefs, identity, and standards you have chosen to hold yourself to that are acting as harsh critics of where you are rather than fervent advocates of the process you’re committing to every day.
I often remind myself of this when I take my check ins every week.
I ask myself if I’d rather feed into critical voices or transform them and remember that they are there because I have CHOSEN an ideal to hold myself to.
By spending more time embracing the process and enjoying each step I have started to see my body differently.
She’s no longer a representation of what is not yet but rather a symbol of commitment, dedication, resilience…
Same body, same reflection but my shift in perception is what allows me to see positives.
Do you struggle with body image?
As a competitor it’s fairly normal to expect given we literally compete in a sport where our body is judged.
But that doesn’t mean we have to be judgmental.
Would love to hear your experiences or have the opportunity to support you if you’re struggling.
Feel free to DM me @celestial_fit 💜💜
Everything is Awesome!
Today is going to be…
Really focused on Throwin a big smile on my face every day because I deserve to be happy and there’s soooo much to be grateful for and to look forward to!
Relieving suffering and pain can not only come from deep inner healing but also from MOVING FORWARD.
I have always loved a solutions-focused approach to clients and the work I do.
With some time spent gathering information from the past, implementation of therapeutic skills for coping and grounding, and major focus towards building on strengths and gathering more proof for positivity than not!
There’s a lot of tough shit we face and go through in life and by no means should we minimize it.
But I don’t want to look back and feel like I didn’t do everything I could to patiently, methodically, and strategically get out of difficulties that feel like quicksand.
It’s important to accept, feel, and have compassion for yourself of course! This is how we learn.
But to grow we have to take the opportunity to apply those lessons and even risk having to learn all over again and again.
Life can be seen as suffering.
But damn doesn’t it feel good to be alive? To know you can overcome, achieve, experience joy, and be here now.
I know how hard it can be to see that at times, but you CAN get through any darkness.
With acceptance of what is we can alleviate some of the anxieties of what was or may be and focus on what’s happening now which ultimately is creating our life.
I just want you to know, you are AWESOME and beyond capable!!
Be There for Yourself
When things are good, bad, scary, transformative…be there for yourself.
We have so much we go through day to day that after a year passes we look back and can minimize what we have overcame or accomplished.
So be present for the emotions that you’re experiencing because they’re creating the vision and memories of your life.
When shit is hard, commit to your mission.
I remember taking this photo in a hotel gym after our house had a massive fire during my peak week and I had to move into a hotel for weeks.
I was so upset about the fire but I was so grateful for the hotel as the gym was actually open whereas my Gym wasn’t at the time.
It felt like a weird way for the universe to remind me to find the silver linings.
Like, “hey there’s just been a major disaster that is going to mark the beginning of the worst year ever but look at all that your goals and commitment bring your life”. Maybe that sounds terrible but for the sake of not minimizing what i faced that year, It was a strange time but it was soooo empowering.
I look back on that time with so much gratitude because that whole prep through 2020 was one blow after the next but I remained present with myself and was there for myself and my goals that now I can look back with pride and empowerment.
I didn’t succumb to negativity or pressure or doubts.
I really don’t believe it’s possible to feel empowered by things we don’t experience or learn from or reflect on or are present to.
We have to be able to recognize our strengths to celebrate them and feel fulfilled and proud.
Today, I encourage you to identify ways you have been there for yourself and how that positively impacted you.
Celebrate your commitment and willingness to support yourself through it all.
Take that strength with you into the rest of the day💜🤗