Applying Gottman's 4 Detrimental Influences on Marriages to Your Relationship with Yourself
When I first learned about Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse (basically the four most negative downfalls of marriages and predictors of divorce) in my Master's Program, naturally I immediately thought about how this applies to self-love/our relationship with ourselves
Although it isn't always applicable to take a model from relationship counseling and apply it to someone's own self-affect, it certainly seemed to be a strong parallel to me
I know I have been guilty of many of these negative communication patterns with myself and I personally believe our relationship with ourselves show up in our relationships with others and vise versa
I have crated this reference sheet to support you not just in your relationships but more specifically in the development of your own self-love
Imagine if you upheld such a strong commitment to loving yourself as though you had sworn vows in place to honor that divorce with yourself was never an option and growth was always the next best step?
It is empowering to have a relationship with yourself that is built on trust, love, support, kindness, and positive energy
As you consider the way you feel about yourself, whether it is your self-worth, confidence, self-esteem, or self-talk...consider where these 4 factors may be showing up consistently and preventing you from the most empowering relationship with yourself
Let me know, do any of these stand out for you?
Right now I am committed to focusing on preventing contempt which is something that I have found come up when I wrap up competition seasons and move into a new phase
While I am still giving my all to this prep, it is important to be proactive with setting clear intentions and expectations for myself in the improvement season I plan to go into next to avoid beating myself up or making myself feel lesser than for the transitions I make in off-season that support my longevity in the sport
What do you plan to focus on?
Need more support with building your mindset? You may like these resources:
Check out my #1 Best-Selling Book, 'Believe Your way to Badass' on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Believe-Your-Way-BADASS-Interactive/dp/1539147401/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525616755&sr=8-1&keywords=believe+your++way+to+badass
Download my free 18 ways to love yourself printable here: https://celeste-rainsturk.clickfunnels.com/18-ways-to-self-love-printable-dowload
Get access to a digital card deck with affirmations, mindset mentorship, and introspective thought provoking questions here: https://celeste-rainsturk.clickfunnels.com/competitor-action-and-affirmation-free-cards
or join my on-demand mindset coaching platform here: https://celeste-rainsturk.clickfunnels.com/on-demand-mindset-coaching-for-competitors
When you know you can trust yourself, your body, your coach, & the timing of the universe there’s really nothing to worry about
I am so grateful my show is still happening in 2.5 weeks despite it being moved to a new location
I am so excited because I’ve never brought a better package than this and I’m seeing changes in my body daily
What’s even better is that my mind is in a total state of ease
I’m just doing what I love daily, showing up for myself, & enjoying every moment!!
Nothing feels forced or off or out of alignment
I remember times in the beginning of my journey as a competitor that things sometimes felt super rocky or even dreadful & would often leave me struggling sooo much through the end of prep or coming out of a show
That was because my mind, my choices, and my process did not feel fully aligned with myself, my life, or my needs (recipe for post show blues!)
I’ve come a long way with my reason for competing, my commitment to it, & how I go about it altogether
It’s allowed me to not just sustain and continue to progress since my last improvement season but it’s allowed me to develop a whole new mindset and outlook on this sport
I see myself growing for years to come & embracing this time I have now as a celebration of past experiences & present choices
It’s powerful to have such strong communication with my body, such freeing & empowering conversations in my head, a positive image of my body to point where change is art & science not judgment & criticism, and such a positive relationship with ALL food, ALL my choices, and ALL of my energy expenditure & preservation
There’s no way to put it in words that can capture how it feels
That’s why I find so much joy in my passion & purpose of helping other competitors BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY so they can experience the same type of inner peace, knowledge, freedom, empowerment, success, ease...Through every prep, improvement season, & any lifestyle phases!
To learn more about how we can work together or get access to free resources Iike the competitor mindset card deck or the food relationship series visit www.celestial.fit/links
The holidays are for quality time with loved ones! A pause in our go go go lives to give thanks and celebrate the seasons together
With warm hearts, memories, people, and traditions the last thing we want is to be so fixated on warm food that we feel robbed of everything else
Holidays can be harder for people who have, are, or want to diet
Whether you are someone who has been on prep for years and now are going to finally partake in the meal but worry people will question you or you will lose control and binge
Or you’re someone who gets anxious being around all the food
Or you have found it difficult to find a happy medium between satisfied v stuffed or controlled yet balanced
Or maybe you’re someone who just really wants to be more intentional about the meal so they can focus more on the memories than the food
Regardless of your situation, you deserve joy!
Sometimes that means setting boundaries, saying no more, saying yes to more, making more conscious effort to break the pattern and the cycle that’s always led you feeling guilty, sick, and ashamed after the holidays...
Last night I guided some of my clients and on demand mindset coaching platforms through a full workshop to prepare for the holiday season
Everyone had so much amazing value to add and support to provide as I went through some major talking points and we addressed pressing concerns
All my clients and members have access to the replay in our private community Facebook group and online platform
If you’d like to go through the workshop, connect with other amazing women driven to be their best and BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY with a healthy relationship with food and their goals, and get support along the way
Then I encourage you to either check out on my food relationship 1:1 coaching program or just go ahead and join the on demand mindset coaching platform for only $9.99/mo (even if you literally just joined for one month and for this workshop I know you’ll get your moneys worth if you implement)
VISIT: WWW.CELESTIAL.FIT/ONDEMAND to learn more & join now
See you in there!
This is my mood every day knowing I will be back in Vegas in less than 3 weeks for my FIRST national show!
I love that no matter the result achieved or not achieved at a show, the next step is ALWAYS the same:
Get feedback, improve, enjoy the process, & show up better
Whether you get first place or last, the next step is the same which for me removes a lot of unnecessary pressure around a tangible result like a trophy or placing
Being ready to compete and win is one thing but being ready to respect the game and keep going is a whole other level of commitment
There are many NPC competitors who inspire me because they’re not only tenacious but they take responsibility
I love to see athletes who release the pressure, respect the process, and relish instead of rush
When you really love what you do and truly believe the outcome is inevitable then you can throw away the timeline and just find the best path for you that not only creates opportunities for improvements but also for sustainability
There’s no doubt that the people who take the most consistent, efficient, and calculated actions are the ones who eventually get where they’re going
What’s necessary for you to personally have longevity in this sport? To persist regardless of results? And to honor the journey you’ve chosen?
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
Focusing on the present moment has been shown to decrease negative cognition that comes from depression & has further been tested & shown to act as a buffer between negative affect & binge eating & other dysfunctional behaviors (Jo & Yang, 2019)
When we’re present in the moment we’re more mindful, considerate, engaged, & focused on what IS versus what may be, what was, or what has been
There is substantial evidence suggesting the positive role mindfulness based eating practices & therapies has on an individual which is one of the reasons why I apply this in my food relationship coaching program
If you feel out of control, lost, anxious, sad, nervous, or overcome with any other emotion & turn to food it may just be because of a very strong cognitive fusion (aka association) between food & resolving the emotion
For me personally, this reminder is what I used starting in my last improvement season & it has continued to keep me grounded
It came from my belief that when I am present, I make the best decisions for myself—which I had evidence from my experiences to support
When working with my clients I like to focus on their strengths, lessons learned from past experiences, current choices, values, & associations so that we can move forward without dwelling & instead with more implementation
Rather than remaining in a “stuck” energy I believe in moving the ball forward by capitalizing on each persons unique needs, circumstances, & abilities
If you’re struggling, a myriad of factors & variables are likely working together to cause the presenting issues that just need to be unwound, rewound, & reinforced
It’s amazing how the result of changing 1 variable in the situation can have a snowball effect on others—this further reinforces the importance of taking it one meal, breath, rep, & day at a time
Want to learn more about how we can work together in your relationship with food, your body, & your goals?
CLICK HERE to learn more about my Food Relationship Healing and Discovery Coaching Program
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
Resilience is a Byproduct of Stress
If you want to be resilient then subject yourself to stress every day
If you want to feel free then practice releasing control in some way every day
If you want to receive then start giving every day
If you want to believe in yourself then prove yourself wrong every day
If you want to release comparison then compliment & cheer others on every day
Many of us want to change or want something better but we are so resistant to doing the “hard” things
They’re not that hard after all
When you expose yourself in controlled and calculated ways each day you’ll be more prepared to face challenges that feel out of your control or impossible to overcome
You don’t have to go through hardship or hit rock bottom and fight your way to the top to develop strength
But staying comfortable in the status quo won’t change your reality either
Shifting your perception of challenges to see them as opportunities comes when you associate the two which is something you can do through repeated exposure
Mental Health Musts for Competitors
While there are many special considerations for physique athletes, I thought I would share 14 that I most frequently see being needed and producing the best results when implemented properly
If you want to be the best competitor you can be, with longevity to sustain your commitment to your goals and results, especially in the competitive climate of competing these days then you need to have your mindset working in your favor
Whether it is body image, food relationship, motivation, discipline, comparison, negative self-talk, doubt, habitual sabotage, or other related concerns it is best to get and stay on top of it before it crushes you
Need support working through the mental struggles of post-show, prep, competing?
Join the On-Demand Mindset coaching platform for competitors at www.celestial.fit/ondemand for instant access to mindset mentorship based on a specific problem you are facing or DM me for more information on my food relationship and post show programs
The all or nothing mindset can be beneficial as well as detrimental
If you’re going to give 110% of yourself to something day In & day out, let it be something that also Includes consideration for your future success
This mindset used to lead me into a horrible spiral as I’d burn out or the goal would be achieved or show date would pass & I wasn’t prepared for what was next
110% adherence to a diet I didn’t love led to 110% binging
110% training without rest led to 110% dragging ass to the gym
110% body responding to effort led to 110% knit picking at my physique when it started going the other way
I needed a solution to this that would not detract from me accomplishing goals but also wouldn’t lead me to completely derailing myself months or years down the road
I couldn’t figure out a happy medium & questioned if it even existed
I was so scared to give up control that I was consistently letting myself down
When I loosened the reigns, it didn’t mean I stopped giving my all, it just meant I started doing it in a new way
I found that I could not only achieve my goals but even surpass them bc they became more aligned with my values, seamless to my life, & considerate of my needs
I started sustaining results which provided me a new normal to then take to the next level & find another better normal
It was SO hard at first to be okay with this bc it meant giving up what I thought was the only way to achieve success, in an effort to become the version of me who achieves, masters, & generates MORE of it
I couldn’t keep repeating history thinking I’d eventually “be able to do what xyz says & does” for my lifestyle
It just didn’t make sense for me!
I’m a unique individual, & I’m not anything or anyone I see online—Therefore my approach needs to be congruent with that
I am a disciplined, organized, & ambitious woman too-I wanted to know I was moving forward NOT backward
Now I’ve established my path of least resistance & am thriving more because of it!
If you want to find your ALL without ending up with NOTHING then let's work together to set new expectations & standards for yourself with peace in that process.
Click HERE to contact me now to discuss your needs and our options :)
How this Competitor had her BEST Prep Ever with full Focus, Adherence, and No Post-Show Binging
This past weekend I was so excited to see my past client, and valued part of my Build More than Just a Body community, compete again!
Back in February Jess and I worked together on her relationship with food in my 5 Week Food Relationship Healing and Discovery 1:1 Coaching Program
Then just a few days after her show she sent me this video and it totally made my day because she is such a powerful example of what prioritizing inner work and healing can do for cultivating a more successful commitment and drive in all future preps and improvement seasons.
She just went through her best prep ever which she says would not have been possible without having worked on her relationship with food at the beginning of the year. (she had previously shared her experience in another video you can see here: https://youtu.be/51xJj6sEzTQ)
After her most recent show she was not over fixated on the food, she found satisfaction without binging, and instinctively was going through the habits we set in place from the beginning of the year.
Rather than stuffing herself at a brunch or shoving sugary treats down her throat the moment she got off stage, she was able to use the mindfulness based practices and habits we focused on creating and reinforcing to honor her journey, her body, and her goals.
Her natural behavior and thought process with food now is so different than her past experiences post show.
Jess shares that she knows how to stop herself now, check in, observe her thoughts, and really consider how she will feel about her decisions whereas before a free-for all, regret, more restriction, guilt, and shame were more normal for her.
When Jess first started my program she had been struggling with the all or nothing mentality kicking her butt post show and now she has been able to continue her positive habits from the food relationship healing program into and through her prep without cheating, sacrificing her sanity, or feeling like she let herself down.
Her prep was not only the most successful but also the most nourishing as she mentions recognizing her needs and feeling connected to her choices which is a major focus we had when we started working together
Jess encourages you to take the leap of faith and do this program too if you are struggling because it helped her after her last show, into this prep, and now with continued goals from here.
She says is one of the most freeing things she has ever felt to not have any worry or concern about post-show anymore
I am SOOO happy for her and excited for her continued success and hope to celebrate yours one day too!
If you would like to learn more about the program she is referring to and apply please visit: www.celestial.fit/foodfreedom
I’d rather starve for my dreams than be starved of them
I put everything I have into what I do because I know what it is like to not have what I do
I know what it’s like to work multiple jobs just so I could have money to invest in my business
I know what it’s like to work for others all day only to come home wishing to have more people to work for in my own mission
I know what it’s like to be so sad & anxious that even waking up was a scary, heavy task
I know what it’s like to feel so self-conscious that avoiding outfits, people, & events was easier than saying yes to new connections & experiences
I know what it’s like to watch loved ones fight for their life
I know what it’s like to be in so much pain that movement seems impossible
I know what it’s like to be stripped of an identity that provided comfort & belonging in an effort to find a better place to be
I know what it’s like to continuously fall short of my projected goals & outcomes & feel like it may never happen
I know what it’s like to be so anxious around food, overcome with guilt over even a grain of salt, & feel like my body could never be good enough
I know what it’s like to experience new places, people, love, opportunity, exhilaration...
I know what it’s like to be overcome with pride & satisfaction
I know what it’s like to fight every day for my dreams-win or lose
So when I say I won’t stop, & when people ask me why I do so much—how I do it, it’s not because I am unsatisfied—it’s because I’ve put EVERYTHING into what I’ve built, what I do, what I continue to learn, what I invest in, & the vision I have
I have too much to lose to stop
I have gained too much to back down
I have tasted freedom, impact, & love & know that the life I want is fulfilled when I rise up
My life mission to help others Build More than Just a Body goes so much deeper than surface-level because it is a part of me
I won’t sleep on my passions or purpose—they mean too much to me to relinquish for anything “safer”
I know I CAN which means I MUST
It is not a matter of “if things work out” it’s a matter of continuing to make things work so I can celebrate this life every day