Celebrating without my Mom

Today would’ve been your birthday. This is the first year you aren’t here to be celebrated. It doesn’t feel right to live life without you but I know that’s all you would’ve wanted. I thought about you every day when you were alive and I’ve yet to go a day without thinking about you since you left. I’d like to believe we had all the time we were meant to have together but I just can’t get myself to truly see it that way. While I can be grateful for the times we had, there was so much left for us to do and experience together. You are my moomlet forever and if there was ever a time in my life I would need you most it’s now, and even more so now because you’re not here to help me through this pain. I can still celebrate your life today. Your life as an amazing mother, incredible leader, beautiful singer, savvy business woman, and someone with the energy to light up an entire room, pull people out of darkness, get others into action, and leave an incredible mark. Your presence made a difference. What I wouldn’t do to have a “both sides” hug even once more. You’ll always be the mom who ran out the door for a hug, did kitchen dances, sneezed so loud that hearts skipped beats, sang with the sunshine, made rooms shake with your laugh, read with gusto, listened without judgment, and encouraged endlessly. Today I start my first day of internship, I would’ve called you for support and words of wisdom. If I dig into the archives of memories of our conversations I imagine you would’ve told me to give it all I’ve got and show them how amazing I am and to know that It’ll be just fine and it will all be worth it. Today is always going to be your day, I just wish I could be celebrating your life with you💜