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7 weeks ago I wouldn't have thought I would be here, at home, seeing people start to go back to the gym and me not care about when I get to.
When there was even speculation of the gym closing I was in full denial. I was going 2-3x a day and I was in prep and I mean, prep or not, I was in there all the time. I looked forward to going to the gym every day, I love it.
When I found out our gym was definitely closing, I was upset at first because I don't have close to the equipment that I have access to at the gym. I was going to miss my elliptical, access to alllllll the weights, the booty blaster, the cables, all of it. I knew it would be sad to not see everyone who works there or works out there every day. But it's not like I was dependent on the gym.
I started my fitness journey working out from home and I would make DIY weights out of canned goods, water jugs, and old weights we had laying around. I of course wanted to take it to the next level and get a gym membership so I got a job and used that money to pay for my first membership. This was back in high school, about 7 years ago actually, and I never missed a beat.
With that said, I didn't expect I would have this strange anxiety about going BACK to the gym. It's hard to explain but I guess I am just really enjoying this time. I am just writing this from my heart and letting my feelings out and even had some fear about judgment for saying this and even guilt over it.
I have been having incredible workouts from home. I have been running and hiking even more. I love being home all day. I have absolutely no distractions at home when I workout in comparison to the gym. I am able to challenge myself in new ways and my coach is still giving me workouts and adjusting my nutrition. I am making the most with what I have just like I did when I very first started my fitness journey.
I don't have anything fancy, although I miss the more dynamic, fun, and functional equipment like I mentioned and have for sure considered buying some things, I am just not super eager to go back to the gym environment?? I mean, if it was open tomorrow, I would be the first one in the door, but it's not opening tomorrow, and I am content with that.
I do kinda feel guilty because a lot of people do miss it with everything in their being and yet I am happy, content, and thrilled to just wake up and go to the next room and do my thing.
I am so grateful to be having amazing workouts.
I recognize that being more introverted and not craving the social aspect helps me in this too and likely contributes to my comfort level in this situation.
And to have so much mental strength that it doesn't really faze me anymore feels really good since I quickly shifted my mindset after the closures of the gym.
I also don't have kids to worry about or a negative environment that I want to escape from. I have worked from home for many years so being home all day hasn't been much of an adjustment either.
I think what I am trying to express is, I am not better or worse for being comfortable with these changes, I am no less of an athlete or a competitor for not trying to fight my way into a gym or longing for the day the doors open again or not posting about how much I miss it. I am just a human experiencing this based on all my other past experiences, thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
I will say though, I think this would have been much harder for me a few years ago when I hadn't yet worked on my mental health, personal development, and conscious commitment to choosing my state.
I genuinely am really proud of myself for handling this with so much stride. I really didn't expect to feel this way but ultimately, I have chosen to because I have focused on the positives of this!
I don't even know if this is relatable but I wanted to get it off my chest because I was carrying it like it was something to be ashamed of, not caring if the gym opens tomorrow or in 6 months, but in reality I am happy, healthy, making progress, killing my workouts, feeling free, and I am embracing the challenge of 'making it work' or getting creative.
One day I know I will look back on this and be like ahh that was when I knew having my own full home gym would be a non-negotiable for me in my future home!
How are you feeling about all of this now?