I’M IN MENOPAUSE

I’M IN MENOPAUSE, yep, I am 21, in menopause, and here to tell you about my struggles with amenorrhea.
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​ *video at bottom of blog, sorry it is vertical, I intended to post on IGTV but it is too long for that apparently!*

The past couple of days have been really rough for me.  Actually, probably some of the roughest regarding my health and personal experiences regarding my own issues.
 
As many of you know, I stopped getting my period in 2015 after my first bikini competition to which I then had a terrible rebound, still never got my period until almost a year later. I thought I only got my period when I was above 135lbs.
 
Fast forward to 2017. No period. Again, contributed to competing; loads of exercise, stress on body, and deficit dieting.  I was then prescribed progesterone which I took for 10 days and then restarted my period…barely.
 
I was still in comp mode. Within a year I did 5 bikini competitions. Never had my period but didn’t want to keep going back to the doctor because I figured they would do the same thing, I would start another prep, and then it would be this never-ending cycle.
 
Now I am back in an off season which is not set to a certain time because my coach told me what I needed to hear which was not to even think about prepping or competing again until this gets normalized. Ugh.
 
Back in the doctor. Back to the bloodwork. Back on Progesterone. This time? No period…Now what?
 
The Midwife who had been an intermediary between me and the doctors called and tells me the doctors reviewed my labs and have determined that I am essentially at the level of a woman in menopause and that if I didn’t do something about my low estrogen (which I was previously told was fine, maybe?) then I would continue losing bone mass and of course this could hurt my chances of ever having children.
 
I quote them on the cause, “The issue is that you have so much muscle mass that you are not producing estrogen…Of course this is a temporary condition, because of your muscle mass.  If you develop more fat you will probably start having a normal cycle.” They then said to get estrogen in me, to fix all this, the easiest route is a BC pill.
 
I am stunned.  I cry for at least an hour wondering if I will ever be able to have kids, which I have always wanted for as long as I knew that babies were a thing, and if I would ever be able to compete again which is my joy and love right now.
 
I was also left feeling quite hopeless because they want to take a pill I don’t want to take and which I have been adamant about avoiding forever.
 
I mean, 1st of all, I don’t even have close to as much muscle mass as I want, lol. 2nd of all, I have already gone up 8% body fat in 2 months, increased my calories and fat intake like crazy, and have been cutting back on exercise.
 
I am actually uncomfortable with the way I FEEL in my body (not the look as much) but literally how I feel, it is not comfortable but as my coach has supported me in this reminding me that it is part of the process and I need to focus on this and just be okay with it for now and doing any cuts wouldn’t be smart for multiple reasons.
 
So, at this point, I decide that I must take the pill since it is my only option to get the estrogen they want, without being over the top which I don’t want, but will also allow me to fix the issues at hand.
 
However, I had an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday morning which I have since been told to cancel, I did so in a flurry but now I regret it. I have pills in my bathroom, no idea what the treatment plan really looks like, and a call scheduled with a doctor on Friday to discuss it all.
 
I do feel hopeful that I will get all my answers and pursue the best option for me. I will take the pill they prescribed if it is my only option, but I want to know what the goals are, and expected outcomes are first
 
I am blessed to be going through this struggle. I recognize that this will one day be more of my strength. And I consider myself very fortunate to have access to medical care, the ability to pursue my dreams, and the support of my family, boyfriend, coaches, and friends.
 
I will continue to keep you all posted.
 
Let this be a reminder to never assume that someone has everything perfectly sorted, or that they aren’t struggling.  Always see people for who they are at a soul level before judging the changes in their appearance, actions, or goals. 
 
I have already learned so much from this process that I couldn’t have learned otherwise. I recognize that life, emotions, and struggles all are like seasons; they come and go.
 
As souls, we can support each other in this human experience by talking about the things which make us most human. Be kind, be open, be loving, and be VULNERABLE. Share what you are going through to heal, teach, and grow.
 
I am here for you and hope you feel and know that on a deep level. Thank you for those of you who are always here for me too
 
Lots of love,
Celeste Rains-Turk
www.celestial.fit

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