IT NEVER STOPS. My whole body shook and I was crying feeling like a broken failure who apparently couldn't get anything right.
My whole body shook and I was crying feeling like a broken failure who apparently couldn't get anything right.
It was my last session with a spiritual mentor of mine and we had been peeling back layers and layers for weeks.
I had made such amazing progress in my mind. I was so proud of myself and felt so good and had such a bittersweet feeling in my heart.
I knew there would always be more growth to go through, more healing to be done, and higher levels of my soul I could tap into, though I don't know if I was ready for this.
I was on the phone with her and it was a great session, though I will be completely honest and say I felt this weird anxious feeling the whole time which I think is because I knew she had to be somewhere after and didn't want to take up a ton of her time which I think kept me from going even deeper.
But the call had taken a bit of a turn when I was asked about something sensitive which revolved around my root chakra.
For some reason something just went total walls up, guards up, don't talk about THAT part of you.
It was like something was in there, that I know needed to be released (and apparently still does because I am literally beginning to tear up while writing this note to you) but that WOULD NOT come out without a fight.
This is when I began getting extremely choked up, my whole body went weak, and my emotions were both charged and numb at the same time.
(I am telling you right now, as I write this my body is going into about 10% of what I was feeling that moment because of how much this impacted me)
I felt like such a failure.
Like all the work I had done internally; the meditating, the journaling, the clearing, the releasing, the rituals the reading, the studying, the unlearning, the realizing, the relaxing, all of it had actually not been ENOUGH for me.
I got mad for a second.
I felt like I was wasting my money and time because this call suddenly just didn't go the way I wanted.
I thought I was going to have some beautiful epiphany, breakthrough, or be taken through some amazing eye opening, block clearing, chakra enlightening experience yet here I was about to end my last session on such a terrible note.
The conversation went sour so fast.
I went sour.
I shut off, and the surface was scratched but there was no literal time for her to do the work with me, I was on my own.
But It was like I didn't want to.
I knew it was going to be painful.
I didn't know where to start.
and I certainly didn't want this to mentorship to end now.
We hung up.
I wish I could explain the way the whole thing went down it was as though someone was choking me physically, emotionally, and on a soul level.
I felt such a pull from everything and everyone.
I was sad and feeling broken and she knew it. I was just not myself. I actually felt so disconnected and fell into extreme old patterns of thought (which are scary and disturbing).
I cried my eyes out.
I get a call only 5 min or so later.
It was her.
She said she couldn't and wouldn't leave me feeling like that and she was sorry she touched on something so sensitive but she knew she needed to and because she felt called to and was given a nudge to, she did.
I mean, that IS what I hired her for and I didn't blame her.
But I exclaimed very choked up and enough tears to cover my sleeves and my shirt, something I would NEVER utter in a million years because I just NEVER believe this;
"I feel like I just can't get anything right and when I finally think I do it is like it just isn't enough and it never stops and I just feel like I always need to FIX something"
I know I am not broken.
I know I don't need fixing.
I know I am enough.
SO WHY DID I FEEL LIKE THAT?
I had to realize that there would always be shit to work through.
That no matter how much I do there will always be more to be done.
That because I am a soul that is committed to growing, developing, and getting so much out of this life of lessons to be learned, I HAD TO KEEP GOING.
So I do. Everyday.
There will never be a time where it all just stops.
There will be times of more ease, more love, more flow.
But I had to recognize that despite everything, there would always be more.
And I had to accept that.
I am writing this to you to let you know that there is always going to be 'stuff' to work through.
You aren't a failure because of it.
You aren't crazy because of it.
You sure as hell aren't broken because of it.
If anything, you are more ALIVE because of it.
When a challenge or weakness presents itself to you, even after putting so much energy into it, it doesn't mean you are incapable, or can never get things right...
...it just means you are growing and the universe or anything you believe in has revealed this to you because you are meant for so much more and to get to the life you desire and to have the feelings you desire and to be able to carry out your purpose and mission as you desire, you need to realize what has been revealed and work through it with love and compassion and empathy for yourself.
I know you might be wondering where to start.
The first step is always always always self-love.
Take the first step and the rest will sort itself out.
YOU ARE WORTHY, DESERVING, AND CAPABLE OF SHIFTING TO LEVELS YOU MAY NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO FATHOM RIGHT NOW.
Let's go within.
Let's do the work together.
In my membership site I have over 30 trainings specifically focused on self-love, mindset, confidence, wellbeing, and long term success.
Some are guided meditations, some are videos of me teaching with specific exercises, some are even very clear action plans for you to begin healing, releasing, honoring, and loving yourself on deeper levels.
You can access every single one of them for free right now. No strings attached.
Just click HERE, then read the page, and hit join, then click on the 3rd option on the join page to try it out and get them all for free.
I will leave the rest up to you, I trust, and KNOW that you got this from here.
If you have any questions or would like to chat personally, feel free to message me.
|Celeste Rains-Turk; Celestial_Fit International and Building More than Just a Body||