People assume competitors who gain weight like this let themselves go. Thatâs the furthest thing from the truth for meâ¦ I pulled myself closer.
I canât even begin to tell you the darkness I faced losing my mom & how many times I wanted to give up or give in. I didnât. I kept executing on my lifestyle & didnât cope in unhealthy ways. I honestly think so much of the weight I carried was trauma related. There were weeks on end where I did nothing but cry. I cried myself to sleep & woke up crying after losing her. Getting to the gym was so hard but I kept going. I didnât ever turn to food for emotional void filling & I let myself feel.
I felt confident in myself because I didnât give up on me. Plus when this video was taken it was the start of prep. I knew I was going to transform & all the building I did would pay off & it really has & continues to.
I am not ashamed or embarrassed. Iâm proud. I put the work in & Iâll continue to. I think itâs important to show the âups & downsâ & honestly I think my body image became so healthy & I got so confident in myself that I wasnât considerate enough of how it might impact future prep but I also didnât change much & kept gaining which I think was a combination of physiological & psychological related influencers.
Someone at the gym asked me how much weight Iâve lost & the answer was 50 pounds which I didnât even realize. While I wouldnât & donât plan to get that heavy again, I can say it wasnât from any unhealthy binging or body image issues. I was confident then. It helped me approach prep in the best way possible too.
After this season @seeyoulaterleaner & i will reverse, recover, & find a nice healthy place & BUILD STRENGTH & SIZE which I CANNOT wait for. To be clear, I wasnât unhealthy in the 1st video or even upset with myself. With all that said, Iâm proud of my journey, & everyday of it is a new opportunityâ¦
âIt is 1 of extreme mental, emotional, spiritual, & physical growth. Not to mention moving, business expansion, getting my masters degree, changing coaches & finding a better way, standing up for myself more, learning about me, LIFE changes... This is why I say the mission is to #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY