“You’ve gained weight!”
“You’re getting bigger... *motions hands wide & stares at butt*”
“You would look so much healthier w/ another *analyzes body* 20lbs on you”
About 1-2 weeks after my show, I heard all of this. Before this photo was taken I had been questioned in these ways....I felt so much pain & judgment in my own heart.
The reason their words hurt me, was because I had already been thinking them about myself. I saw my flaws w/o recognizing my strengths, accomplishments, & needs...I took everything they said & twisted it in my mind to be some evil mean spirited thing that matched my own current narrative rather than seeing it rationally.
After a few weeks, I was so tired of feeling depressed, & ashamed. What’s worse? I KNEW I didn’t actually look the way I perceived myself, I KNEW this & yet still had an internal struggle & I wanted the feeling to finally stop.
So, After weeks of sulking, I got to work...I recreated a self care ritual that I needed in this time of my life, I recommitted to a daily routine that I felt inspired by, I reapplied the self-love exercises, body healing meditations/practices, & mindful thought pattern / belief rewiring.
These personal development, mindset, & self-love tools were all things I had done before, do w/ and for my clients, & teach in my content...yet my emotional depressed self wanted to stay sad & stuck bc she thought that was easier than facing the demons that had seemingly so much control & influence on my life.
Healing our body image, raising our self-love, & accepting where we are takes work. It takes a mental shift. It takes conditioning of the mind and thoughts. It takes commitment to yourself, acceptance, lots of patience & love. Some things may seem to shift right away and others might take more time. But it’s a daily commitment, like going to the gym, eating nutritious foods, and brushing your teeth.
I’ll be teaching the rituals, practices, meditations, & journaling prompts during my new 8 week personal development program created to help Bikini competitors heal their relationship w/ their body, food, & goals.
Click HERE to learn more + enroll!