Welcome to my Blog
I write a new blog almost daily! Feel free to comment, share, and connect with me! I love hearing from my readers!
Welcome to my Blog
I write a new blog almost daily! Feel free to comment, share, and connect with me! I love hearing from my readers!
How Making Peace with Food, My Body, and My Goals Set me Up for Long-Term Success I Used to Dream About
In the past I’d struggle with the post-show blues; rebounding, feeling lost, & accepting body changes
In 2015 I committed myself to making peace with food & my body after gaining 30lbs in 3 weeks post my first show thinking I’d never compete again
In that time I immersed myself in personal development, mentorship, business development, & my degrees
I went away from studying dietetics (which was a tough transition since I’d already been at it for over a year plus emphasized it in my AS degree) & committed to Psychology as that was my true calling & passion, to help others make peace with themselves through understanding, awareness, love, & action!
I ended up getting back into competing because I realized it was not the problem & I was not the problem; It was something that aligned with my lifestyle & I had the power to create solutions & commitments!
When I started Confessions of a Bikini Pro Podcast I saw a deeper need in the community which made me realize I needed to take my mission of BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY to BODY-BUILDERS
I devoted my degree time reporting on research on eating disorders, body image, mindfulness, behaviors, self-esteem, literally anything I could get my hands on that was relative to the fitness & bodybuilding worlds
This ALL inspired the launch of my post-show personal development program, my food relationship healing & discovery 1:1 program, & my on-demand mindset coaching platform
Who knew I’d even end up in a Master’s program for Clinical Mental Health Counseling!?
With all of this being said...believe in your journey, know there’s a reason for this, shining light on your darkness always pays off, & trust me when I say you can make peace with food & your body WHILE accomplishing your goals
You’re a whole person, an athlete, a go-getter; & deserve to be treated as such!
You don’t have to give up everything you love & have worked hard for to make peace, but you‘ll need to challenge your perspective, beliefs, & behaviors
Start getting guidance with my free post-show blues coaching series or click HERE for info on my 1:1 food relationship program now!
See my testimonials page for inspiration from others who are making peace with food, their body, and their goals😍
Today would have been show day for me!
I had plans, like many athletes, to show up and compete! But plans change & even if we don’t have control of that change we can shift our perspective on it
I took these check-ins yesterday & it’s been about 3 weeks of reversing with the goal of keeping conditioning
My body has just continued to respond to adjustments which makes this an excellent time to LEARN & test things
More data for me & my coach!
I have so much pride and excitement seeing this because not only did I build this body but I am keeping her, supporting her, loving her, and progressing WITH her
It is empowering and freeing to know that because I’ve taken & continue to take the time to BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY that my mind is working with me to fully do my best for her
When I look in the mirror I don’t just see a physique I love and which is ever evolving. Reflected back is my work ethic, drive, commitment, & even vision!
I can be proud of myself and my efforts before I judge myself, a number on the scale, or visible lines on my body—that’s Winning
Above all else I see a woman who stands up for herself, her health, her growth, & her goals no matter what that means!
None of us need a show or the stage to prove that or feel that. But when it’s time to step on stage, it’ll be game time! We’ll be more than ready, hungry to succeed, & prepared to perform!
Celebrate yourself today!!! Especially if you had plans to compete, choose to recognize how far you’ve come and how far you’ll go!
This is all a blessing & it’s happening for a reason!! When you see it this way and believe in this, you can make it this way!
Many competitors feel lost or confused wondering when & if they’ll have the chance to step on stage anytime soon
It’s left people wondering if they’ll be able to compete for their pro card, qualify for nationals, or even just step on stage for the first time!
It’s left pros wondering if they’ll be able to qualify for the Olympia or bring their best to the most prestigious stages
I see this as a really cool opportunity for all of us though
While it sucks to not know and have this constant feeling of “what’s actually going to happen?” It’s also a blessing in disguise
Now is the time to not focus as much on the stage or the “when” & instead focus on committing to the here & now
What can you do with what you have to bring your best when it’s time?
How can you make the most of this “limbo” and capitalize on not having to worry about any definitives?
Instead, really asking “what do I need most right now?” & focusing on your mindset, habits, & long term commitments to yourself
Instead of taking an action for a prep or a show day or an opportunity to level up, you can take action because it’s what’s best for you regardless of the end result or outcome
We can separate ourselves from an end date or end goal & immerse ourselves into the present moment
This will undoubtedly make you a better competitor
Because when you’re in the present moment making conscious & considerate choices day in & day out with both a proactive & responsive mentality; the end result takes care of itself
You can’t make a mistake when you’re fully connected to your highest self & most present self
You’ll look at food, workouts, & recovery differently
You’ll see everything more clearly being honed in on the NOW rather than the next & the next
We don’t know the future of the 2020 season
But you can focus on your perspective, mindfulness, relationship with food, goals, values, body image, & everything that will make for more fulfilling seasons moving forward
I invite you to join my On-Demand mindset coaching platform to take advantage of this limbo as a season for inner work & growth to occur so you can have that CHAMPION mindset NO MATTER WHAT
Click here to learn more about the platform and join now!
I can honestly say I am so proud of myself
Old thought patterns & versions of me have presented themselves multiple times since reentering a reverse diet / improvement / covid interim season
I have had to mindfully implement & practice much of what I preach, believe in, & know is necessary to change the narrative & maintain my commitment to honoring myself
The disordered eating behaviors of my past saying 'have a bunch of xyz & especially when no one is around’ but that’s an OLD pattern
The self-loathing version of me has come up indiscreetly questioning if I’m really allowed to feel this good about myself or if I should sabotage my success
But for every old pattern I’ve had, there is a stronger & more available combating neural pathway that steps in & says ACTUALLY__
I’ve been repeating to myself, especially in moments where I want to slow down or take it easier or give in to the old selves, “I am worthy of the results I have created”
A lot of times self-sabotage is not a will power issue but a worth issue
If you don’t believe you are worthy of your happiness, confidence, peace of mind, or healthy nourishment in any form then your brain will encourage you to find homeostasis
Meaning, if you think one way about yourself but act in another, it throws the brain out of balance which some psych theories would suggest is absolutely undesirable & therefore we experience things like cognitive dissonance, guilt, shame, anxiety...
What we really are seeking is alignment between our current living self & our ideal self
But it’s not always so simple because if it was then you would have a new ideal self or a new self-actualizing ideal to achieve
We are always in a state of growth & development & you have the power within you to make your reality that of your desired reality!
I personally had to accept & embrace this as my new normal, new start point, & something I deserve so I can continue my progression!
I reflect on how far I’ve come, the mental challenges I’ve beat throughout my life, & the commitments I’ve made to myself
Regardless of standards, criteria, or goals outside of myself; I still deserve what I want & so do you!
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
Regardless of circumstance, I believe we can all choose what energy we want to exist in.
Yesterday my coach contacted me about my thoughts on continuing prep or pulling back because of the virus and shows being cancelled, lockdowns being mentioned, and so many unknowns.
I told him my gut was to continue the prep as planned but that my mind was in a more logical place considering if it is really healthiest or as conducive to my long term goals as a competitor to push these last 3 weeks, arguably since I would not have been reversing into the show, much more taxing and most stressful on body.
I asked him what his thoughts were and he said he wants my health to be the top priority and it doesn't make sense to keep going and pushing the body if it is likely to be cancelled but that he didn't want to sway me either way.
I am so grateful to have a coach who prioritizes my health and considers my wants. While every part of me wanted to go on, I have goals bigger than a show in 3 weeks.
This was actually the perfect time to pull out. My motivation, energy, and drive has been on a high note. My commitment is unwavering, mind is stable, and body is strong.
In fact, I believe everything happens with perfect timing.
Opting not to do this show has not changed much. If anything it has just reinforced that the motivation to work, improve, and commit to the process is still there even when the rug gets ripped out from under me.
I don't do this for the stage, I do it for me.
I also don't compete just to compete. I compete for myself, to be better, to represent my mission but also to win.
I know that this will set me up for even more success as we move forward this year. I am in the best place I could be in mentally, physically, and emotionally with this.
I am empowered by my vision, kept strong by my experiences, and driven by my purpose. I see no need to play with chance when the vision I have requires, demands, and deserves a level of certainty that we do not have right now.
While we never know what lies ahead, we are given moments in time to make what appear to be 'tough' decisions. In reality though, they are no different than any other decision.
All decisions are influential in our life.
Had I chosen to continue, I would have had a similar story about pivotal moments, commitment, drive, etc.
Because, this is not about the show or the stage or the body, it is about who I am regardless of those things.
Driven, committed, inspired, positive...
Making an educated decision, I believe, is going to allow me to really hone in on this lifestyle even more. 2017-2018 I prepped all year, 2018-2019 I restored my health and gained a lot more size as well as visible muscle maturity which came with a lot of weight gain that others might deem as 'unnecessary' but in my circumstance it was exactly as it was meant to be, and since around April 2019 I have been focused on getting back on prep and back into competition mode. By October we were prepping.
The point is, I am in this for the long run.
I could mope and complain about the timing and the outcomes but why would I? I have been given a gift.
I have achieved so much and have the opportunity to celebrate that with maintenance, improvement, and a new normal.
By not taking it to a certain completion, I am really opening myself up to evolution.
Sometimes we focus so much on a target we forget that at any moment, someone could move it and then what??
I am in such a peaceful place. I did cry about it. I felt all the emotions.
But I also journaled about it, focused on the positives, found freedom in the decision and have SO much excitement in me for what is next.
I am living in a healthy, functioning, beautiful body that I love.
I was living in a healthy, functioning, beautiful body that I loved in April and in my last season.
I of course want so badly to step on the stage, get requalified for nationals, get Sandy's feedback, and step on a national stage to compete and earn my pro card.
I have envisioned for months, years, and many hours myself with a crown on my head and a sword in my hand and an indescribable feeling of elation knowing I represent what it means to live my mission to truly BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY.
This moment, like any other, is amazing.
This circumstance, like any other, serves a purpose.
This challenge, like any other, will become my strength.
We are the ones who determine how we are defined, how we center ourselves, and what we choose to spend time focused on.
The fact that I was able to naturally immerse myself into a state of gratitude, peace, positivity, and complete trust in myself is as gratifying as any crown, sword, or qualification.
Myself, you, and everyone else going through this will be even better athletes because of it.
What a time to really focus on our mindsets and come face to face with what really needs our TLC right now.
Thank you for reading this, following my journey, and reaching out. I am so excited to continue evolving in love through this.
What's a memorable story without a plot twist anyways? ;)
Bookmark this page or screenshot the image for future reference & share with someone who might find it useful😊❤️🧠
For more info, insight, and action steps to help with your relationship with food scroll through my posts or visit my Instagram celestial_fit
Looking for hands on guidance?
Click HERE to learn more about my food relationship healing and discovery program for competitors and apply to work with me to make peace with food without sacrificing your goals!
The more you say “I’ll do it later” or “meh” or “nevermind” to the things you’ve committed to do for yourself, the easier it will become to continue denying yourself
On the contrary, the more you challenge that feeling of “it doesn’t really matter” the more likely discipline will become your default
Everytime you walk by that thing on the floor, put your laundry off for another day, or ignore the alert in your car you‘re essentially saying it is unimportant
This is especially harmful to personal growth if you have been saying “I’ll do that today” & then of course not doing it
When you say you’re going to do something, do it
If you often find yourself not doing it, ask yourself, why?
Maybe it’s an unrealistic expectation or time commitment or you resist it because it’s not as enjoyable as something else
But that is going to show up in all areas of your life
You want more discipline in fitness? nutrition? business? family?
Start by doing the thing you think about doing as soon as you think about doing it
Complacency will only breed more complacency & it is costing you every day
It starts with daily action, commitment, & intention
The topic of the last LIVE monthly group call for all the members of my On-Demand Mindset Coaching platform was on discipline
And we touched on this & many other aspects of Increasing discipline using mental shifts in perspective as well as ways you can make it happen in the mundane
Everyone agreed they noticed times in their life they were disciplined in one area it led to more discipline in others
If you allow yourself to be complacent in the small stuff, you can’t expect yourself to rise to the occasion in the things that require a new version of you
Sometimes we think “I need to be more disciplined” when we really need to value ourselves, our goals, & the execution plan more
So, I ask you, what is the cost of your complacency and what are you willing to do to pay off your debts and give more to what matters to you?
Want to learn more about this?
I invite you to Join the On-Demand Mindset coaching platform today. You can learn all about it by visiting the link in the comments below!
In order to go to bed feeling accomplished and fulfilled we have to wake up with the drive and the grit to be better than we’ve been and find ways to do more with what we have
If we cannot control the outcome, we can control our influence and perception of each action required of us
I find so much peace in the moments I feel like I could breakdown because it has such an empowering feeling of persistence underlying it
It’s this metaphysical yet so in your face choice being presented to us to either give into the pain the fear the pressure the doubt or to rise up and step into a new identity
I just love that feeling of being on the brink of something
Like you’re going to get wherever you’re going only if you can keep going right then in THAT moment;
It’s this intense feeling that centers me in the presence and yet it feels so indescribable
I think those who know will know and understand
It’s just a piece of time where you’re literally facing the person you were and the person you’re becoming and you either step up or you fall down
And both of them are painful but one is more conducive to being prepared for facing the demands of tomorrow so the urgency to grow is so much more immediate and rewarding
It’s something I love about being a competitor
This feeling presents itself plenty of times in the improvement seasons and then there’s just something different in the air when we get closer and closer to our goals becoming our reality on the stage
As if we are not only here in the present but we are also calling upon the future version of ourselves and asking “what was it that you did today to be where you are now?”
And then going all in for the vision, trusting that it really is yours, and believing that you are more than capable, worthy, deserving, and willing to achieve the outcome
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
Bodybuilding is so much deeper than the surface level standard we work so hard to meet & reflect on stage
I frequently express love to my body as it is such an incredible feeling to know I can push my body to the limits & she still stands for me and supports me
It’s a crazy symbiotic & synchronous relationship between body, mind, & of course our core of our being-the soul
My souls purpose can be pursued with the strength of my mind and the support of my body
It is amazing to see what all three accomplish together
I no longer work to change my body out of loathe—that was a dark time in my life that NEVER brought me peace, fulfillment, or pride; just a consistent insatiable longing for “better”
I have learned to love my body in many forms & appreciate her for how she serves me through it all & not solely on how she looks—as this is impermanent
I think back to a time where I not only didn’t love the shape of her but I also couldn’t love her just for being her
That makes me sad
It makes me sad to hear people hate on their body & do everything in their life just to change their body
You might be thinking “you’re literally a competitor changing your body to meet a standard”
And while that’s true, it’s about the intent & attachment behind this effort
I can take pride in my shape now because I can take pride in my shape anytime
I have loved my body through so many stages because she has loved me
Bodybuilding is not about vanity but rather about acceptance, gratitude, & shining light on what incredible vessels we live in & how they work in conjunction with & for us
What an amazing privilege it is to pursue goals that demand so much of our body & be able to stand on stage or in an off season or at the gym & say, “thank you body for bringing me here, thank you mind for working with my body to challenge my limits, & thank you soul for reminding me what I’m really doing this all for”
It’s okay to want to change your body, pursue physical goals, & make efforts to reshape
But the drive to make those changes has to come from a positive place which can be detached from the outcome & present with the process
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
I am now 4 weeks out so let’s see what we can do😊🧠
“Food will always be there” is 1 of my LEAST favorite sayings
So many competitors say that to each other when dieting or reverse dieting as though it’s some magical way to resolve / get rid of the urge to eat something
I mostly hate this phrase bc it usually works against the intention it’s used for & increases the “but I can’t have it right now” scarcity mentality that leads to fixation & then often binge behavior
But I also hate it because is it really even true?
I mean, consider why it’s so hard to believe it or consider why many of the girls who say this end up eventually knee deep in it later
As a competitor, is food really “always” there?
I mean sure it’s there physically & you can go to the store or order it
But are you reallllllly doing that or going to?
For me, this phrase just doesn’t work because the truth is in my improvement season the food will be there & I’ll be indifferent about it and in prep it’ll be there but I’m not likely to try to “work it in” my plan
But in prep I tend to “want” it more because it’s a less frequent part of my life/not really entertainable (hence why I want it more)
Whenever I hear this phrase I think... “sooo when you’re done competing or dieting or whatever it is you’re doing you’re just gunna go to all these dinners, brunches, & order all these foods because it’s always been there & now you finally can??”
It’s just highly unlikely this will work or you’ll actually engage in this behavior & if you do it may not be in a productive way bc you haven’t been able to practice it, work on normalization of all foods, or even redefine your relationship to it so u feel free to do so w/o stressing over numbers
Usually I don’t see this mindset work for people longterm
If the only reason you’re not eating a food is because “it’ll always be there” you’re not really sending the signal of freedom of choice to your mind-it’s always circumstantial (IIFYM, haven’t eaten, celebration etc) never just “bc it’s here & I want it” which is the situation most ppl use the phrase in👀🙃
You’re really sending the signal of “that’s why you restrict it or say no to it now” which again usually increases urges