Welcome to my Blog
I write a new blog almost daily! Feel free to comment, share, and connect with me! I love hearing from my readers!
Welcome to my Blog
I write a new blog almost daily! Feel free to comment, share, and connect with me! I love hearing from my readers!
Everyone and their mother had something to say about my weight, size, and body
It was like as soon as I gained a little bit of weight or was bloated or didn’t look show ready everyone wanted to ask me what happened
After my last show almost a year ago I was feeling VERY off with myself
My body wasn’t really responding well to anything I ate even the things that have been in my diet for over 5 years
I had to change up a lot of things pretty quick in an effort to get my period back
I was pretty depressed thinking I may not be able to have kids or compete again because I was told I was in menopause
and I had some binge episodes that I wasn’t proud of
Add on top of that having a very skewed view of my body, feeling lost, and comparing myself to others
We had a recipe for disaster
It didn’t last long thankfully because I had all the tools and knowledge to address it but damn it was still a big learning lesson
Considering I actually HAD to do something about it when I didn’t think I’d ever have those issues again
But that led me to develop new methods and I’m SUPER grateful for it because It helped me find my BIGGER purpose (I swear that’s why I had to go through it all)
Anyways, I went to the gym and people would say some rude things about my body like
“You look wider”
“You are getting bigger”
“How much weight have you already gained”
But I couldn’t blame them, I conditioned them to think making comments about my body all the time was fine/normal because when I was on prep I ate that shit up ;)
“leaner, muscles, veins, wow, looking amazing...”
So why was I so upset?
Because their words were a reflection of how I felt about myself so I twisted and changed their meaning to fit the negative narrative in my head
I legit hid in the spin room one night and cried and cried and cried on the bike because despite my efforts my body was fighting me and I had to just LOVE her anyways
That sucks to admit but I hated it
And ironically I was much lighter based on the scale, much leaner based on the body scanner, and much tighter based on how my clothing fit than I am now
BUT THAT DIDN’T MATTER
How I felt about myself, talked to myself, and treated myself dictated how everything else went
But like I said, I learned more, even committed to more of my psychology studies to the exact problems I was dealing with which helped a lot and I PRACTICED WHAT I PREACH
Now? If someone comments about my weight, size, or body at all it doesn’t impact my day as dramatically
If it’s a compliment or a weird question or statement I just say something like:
“thank you so much for noticing”
“yes I feel so much healthier & stronger I can’t wait to be back on stage but now isn’t the time”
“I’m focused on building muscle right now so it’s awesome to hear that!”
Or if I wanna really make them think I just say “i know isn’t it awesome! I’ve had my period for 5 months in a row now!” Lol
And sometimes even “I’ve been so proud of myself I’m taking such good care of my body and she’s loving me for it”
Any of these work for literally anyone could say to me
I still love being told I look amazing. But now I feel like I look amazing which means what anyone else says won’t further validate or devalidate that because I’ve already decided that I’m feeling good about myself right now
That’s the key, making peace with ourselves so our actions that follow are loving and move us forward and things like numbers or comments can’t ruin our day
If you haven’t listened to the latest episode of confessions of a bikini pro podcast it is the first coach’s week feature starring Adam Bonilla and he announced that I am his go to coach to refer his team to for all things mental in this sport now which is absolutely AMAZING
I feel completely honored that one of the best in the industry sees my value and knows what I can bring to the table for his girls
I use my exclusive PTG process that I developed to help competitors through the mental demands both prep and the improvement season can bring
Want a taste of it?
Click here to get access to the: FREE POST-SHOW BLUES COACHING SERIES
I’m also developing something insanely awesome for competitors right now and on top of that I’m about to release something pretty cool. All for free now to see what you guys think
in other words, Stay tuned ;)
When I was 18 I finally started going to therapy. I had been going through my days wondering when depression would hit me and being fearful of it avoiding my own self like the plague, I had enough of It and expressed to my parents I was still suicidal and sad.
When I started seeing my therapist she told me to make a list of all the things I love to spend my time doing and even would like to spend more time doing, this is actually the list in this picture- I kept it as a reminder of how far I have come, what my purest needs are, and how important it is to really do more things we love to do. If you make one, I would love to see it!
This is not just helpful for people with depression or anxiety. But all people. It is truly a fantastic personal development exercise as it can reveal many of your values, needs, and desires. I have passed this on to many clients and friends because it is so simple too.
And there is no pressure to go out and do it all at once but writing down that you love to look at the stars sure makes you stop and look up more often when you get out of the car. And that moment of peace or happiness or realization of the expansion around us, could make the difference for the night or the week or the next hour and that is a BIG deal for anyone struggling.
Depression is an ill-defined problem, which means that there is no clear solution. Every case really is different. Depression is also often comorbid. Mine showed up with anxiety specifically, which many people experience. There are many different disorders that can show up as an anxiety typed disorder. It also is prevalent among those with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder.
Unfortunately, when depression is comorbid with something else it means the person diagnosed has been diagnosed to qualify with the symptoms of both which makes the case much more severe. Usually comorbidity increases the likelihood of suicide.
Many people will self-diagnose but the Diagnostic statistic manual is what Americans are diagnosed using. Regardless, it is important to know that sometimes these things come as a package deal all at once or one causes the other.
Good news, we are all different. Bad news, we are all different. Each of us requires a different approach usually. Even one-degree difference can make ALL the difference.
For me, this was something that I vividly remember sitting down to create and making me feel good in the moment. I was told not to choose things I had to make a lot of effort to do but to just list the things that made me happy and I liked to spend my time doing.
Then I brought them to her, and we decided I would start doing more of those things. And I got happier. Obviously, this wasn’t the all-powerful healing method that changed everything, but it was part of the journey. A part I am happy to share with you and tell myself, even if one person does this and benefits, that is a degree of change worth posting this for.
Let me know if you make this and how you feel, post a pic on your story and tag me or if it is more private send me a dm I would love to celebrate your loving action with you.
Have you ever looked in the mirror & not recognized yourself?
Thinking things like:
How did I get so fat?
Why did I let this happen?
What happened to me?
I don’t even look like I compete or workout!
I have. It sucks to not like what you see in the mirror
Especially because it reflects the things you haven’t been loving about yourself
Like the decisions you’re making with food or the way you‘re feeling about the gym or just doing things so ‘out of character’
I discovered something life changing in my self-loathing
No matter what you look like, it is easier to love yourself & your body when you LOVE yourself through actions
When I’m accomplishing goals, being mindful, nourishing & moving my body with intention, etc.
It makes it so much easier to see a reflection I Love in the mirror
It really isn’t all about the shape of our body
When we know the action we’re taking supports our goals, we can love the present version of ourselves more for supporting our big vision
It can feel like fog is in front of our eyes distorting our view of ourselves
How could I go from feeling like a kickass competitor to feeling like a big fluff?
Even when we know we aren’t, sometimes we feel this way due to the 1 or 2 things that are ‘off’
Mental fog showed up:
When I was binging I didn’t Love myself as much bc I felt I didn’t know myself or could control myself
When I was doing extra cardio or restricting food to try & get back to normal
When I was sneaking bites of food in private to fill the void in my life that I was no longer who I committed to being
When I equated my success & worth to numbers on the scale or %s
But, What clears fog? Heat
How does love, acceptance, & peace feel? Warm
So what did I do to now Love what I clearly see in the mirror?
Filled myself up with more love & acceptance through a whole lot of peace making
Peace with food, my body, & my goals
Which has fueled my mission to help other bikini competitors do the same using my signature PTG Process
Contact me to chat on what’s going on for you, come up with an action plan, determine if we’re a good fit to execute on it together, & move fwd from there with how that will look
Don’t let others use their ‘age, wisdom, & experience’ as a platform to infect you with their limiting beliefs
That’s the lesson they chose to learn, but not the only lesson they could have learned
Be hyper aware of where the things people are teaching you or imparting on you are truly coming from
Sometimes there are hard truths yes, so we can’t be totally naive or closed off to hearing others experiences
It can be quite revealing and helpful and cut down a lot of the trial and error for us!
But we also must be strong & see that we have a lot of untapped potential and ability to change the norm and create new stories
Imagine living by the limiting beliefs of others for the rest of your life!
How much love, fun, success, and opportunity you’d miss out on! You deserve better than that
What limiting beliefs have others tried to give to you but you refused to take on?
Or were there some you did take on as your own only to realize later you had the power/needed to change them?
Let’s talk about this ⬇️
This isn’t a foreign topic to the worlds of bodybuilding & fitness
Many people who appear to have the best physiques, confidence, or discipline struggle w/ their body image
It’s not widely addressed bc sweeping it under the rug as ‘normal’ is so much easier to do
But I don’t go for that
How you perceive your body & feel in your skin has demonstrated in studies to influence our daily life
While earning my degree in psychology I had to review existing research as well as propose new research
Body image being 1
I’ve helped 100s of women over the last 4 yrs to improve theirs & 1 practice that I’ve guided them through has been VERY effective
I combined psychology, personal development, mindfulness, meditation, & other methods to create this
Here’s the gist:
Lie down & perform a body scan
Tense up your body 3x & release each time w/ the intention to tune into yourself
Then for each body part from head to toe say “I love you” 1 at a time “I love you tummy, I love you arms, I love you__”
Notice where resistance comes up but don’t fight it just take note
Once you complete it go back to the areas where you felt the most resistance
Think of 1+ things that you can choose to love/appreciate about this part of your body
Then go through each again including the reason
Ex: “I love u tummy, thank u for breaking down so many nutrients for me so I can perform & function. TY for going through so many seasons with me, I ❤️u”
FEEL THE EMOTION AS YOU SAY IT
This works because of a few reasons:
➡️Connection to self & body
➡️Identification of functions of body to detach from physical appearance related distress
➡️Increases awareness so when you find yourself hating these parts of you you’ll be anchored into why these parts of you are awesome
Of course this doesn’t address every facet of body image, but it’s a great ritual & can show you where you need more healing
Simple lil Journal Prompt for your self-love journey. Comment 1 thing below!❤️
By placing ourselves in an identity that we want to be in we create a simulation in our mind that allows us to experience it.
This then gives us greater clarity to creating it and stepping into the identity
You may discover the things you need to stop, start, or reevaluate
Maybe you’ll see that there are new boundaries, beliefs, or habits you need
Possibly people, places, or items we need to let go of or even let in
The more we tune into our ideal situation the more that is revealed about our current situation
Sometimes it requires a complete 180° shift from us. Other times it can be a small tweak
Regardless, we must be willing to not only make it but commit to it in order to fulfill the needs we have
I’d love to know, what is one thing for you that you would be doing differently?⤵️
Need some ideas for ways to love yourself? I created a cute lil printable with 18 ways to love yourself and it’s free on my website 🙂
Click HERE to get yours❤️
Which one feels better to read or say?
A few years ago when I was really struggling with my depression, body image, and relationship with myself I came up with this mental exercise for myself
Anytime I had a loathing thought, I replaced it with one of love
I would literally stop what I was doing and reframe my thought pattern
Sometimes this SUCKED and felt like a waste of time or energy and honestly it sometimes just felt good to feel so sad/down
Doing it took a lot of commitment and effort at first. But now, it really is automatic for me!
You can train your mind to work FOR you rather than against you
Most people have their thoughts dictating their day, that’s not really your fault, but now that you’re aware you have the power to actively change it, you’d be at fault not to put some effort into it
If you’re tired of feeling TERRIBLE about yourself.
Whether that’s looking in the mirror, eating, going about your life goals; start changing your thought patterns
Patterns are repetitive sooo might as well create consistently positive patterns to run our life
One of the best things we can do is become so self-aware that replacing loathing thoughts with loving ones becomes automatic
It always feels better to be in a state of self love. This is where even more positive things grow from
Often times we don’t progress in our life because we are filling our mind with hate instead of encouragement
Long-lasting motivation can’t be bred from hatred
That’s why intrinsic motivation will always outlast extrinsic motivation
Self-love says “this is for me” self-loathe says “this is because I don’t like me”
Start paying attention to the way these two contrasting energies feel in your life
The more aware you become the stronger your ability will be to recognize it and shift to the loving energy
Not sure exactly how to get from one to the other once your thoughts are shifted?
I held a self-love workshop not to long ago sharing 3 of my fav exercises for personal development and growing more love for yourself
I’d be happy to share the link to anyone who wants it as a lil gift
Comment “self love” below or just email me saying 'free self love workshop' & I’ll get it to you
What if you could feel amazing about yourself year round no matter how your body looked?
If you could look in the mirror, take photos, walk around, or be free and full of love for yourself?
If you could love yourself despite numbers on the scale, body fat percentage or cellulite?
If you could be surrounded by all sorts of people and feel completely confident in your own skin?
You absolutely CAN!
It starts when we take actions that make us feel our best
This may seem basic but many people tend to struggle with this
They see themselves negatively and this spirals into negative actions “I am fat” so they restrict or undereat “I am not as lean as I was” so they don’t think they can get there again and slack off “I am too big now” so they don’t enjoy life outside or around friends and family
We get so caught up in the negative thoughts about ourselves that it can drive us to take negative actions
No matter what season you’re in, you can feel awesome and you deserve to
Set standards & goals for yourself that you feel really good about & that you believe you can sustain
When you honor your goals & take those actions that align with the standards you will feel EMPOWERED
It actually raises your self-efficacy w/ the more you do things you set out to do & really do
If you stray away from your goals it doesn’t feel good, you start feeling like you don’t give enough or you’re a failure & then the spiraling begins
But when you are inspired into action & committed to a program & stay 100% on it you are sending the signal that YOU ARE CAPABLE
When you believe you’re capable you will challenge yourself more & feel like you can stick to your goals or standards even more consistently
Then you don’t stress as much about your exact shape or look because you know you’re doing everything you can in your control & committing to YOUR standards so ultimately the results will come
Let’s work together to come up with a set of self-commitments that we can build upon over time for greater commitment
This way your confidence & self-efficacy will increase as your commitment grows
DM me & we’ll chat about what your personal goals are & if or how I can help you❤️😊
If it even crosses your mind that you want to or should improve in an area of your life, it means that a part of you is waking up.
Honor that version of yourself and step it up!
As that higher version of yourself is awakening you’ll be faced with many challenges
You’ll question if it’s really for you, if you’re actually capable, and if it will last at all
But when you can see those challenges as a test you’ll be more likely to face them with ease
Afterall, It is testing you to see how serious you are about becoming a better version of yourself
That’s when it’s even more important to believe that NO MATTER WHAT, you are ALL IN
There will be times when the old version of you wants to come out and try to pull you back
Love that version of yourself because she showed you there’s more for you
But then remember that you are constantly evolving and it is safe to let her go
Those old stories, behaviors, and thoughts only come up as a result of fear
And when we are scared our brain tells us “GO BACK, WRONG WAY, it’s not safe here!”
But we know, sooo deeply, that this is the change that’s necessary to bring us even closer to the life we desire
It doesn’t mean you have to change everything all at once
But if before you choose to do something you Ask yourself;
“is this in alignment with the next level version of me?”
Or “what would the best version of me do right now?”
You’ll know to Only move forward if the answer is YES! Or You’ll have the next best step!
Whether that’s becoming a pro athlete, letting go of people, going to an event, quitting a job, writing a book, starting a business, or literally just becoming a person who makes their bed everyday and never leaves a laundry basket full for more than 2 days...
This all applies
I’d love to know, what’s the next level version of you doing right now?
Just because you know something isn’t ‘good’ for you doesn’t mean you know how to automatically stop entertaining it
If this were the case we would all be living a bit differently (Think of all your ‘guilty pleasures’)
We have extremely complex minds. No two of ours are exactly alike in fact. Which makes this whole thing even more interesting
You KNOW when you are doing something that you KNOW isn’t necessarily “right” for you
Having Knowledge can make a huge difference, don’t get me wrong!
So much of what I’ve learned has CHANGED my life
Of course, only when applied consistently & correctly over long periods of time
Often times we need someone else to guide us with their knowledge so ours doesn’t become skewed with the downfalls of our very protective & therefore sometimes misleading psyche
No matter how AMAZING you are at solving a problem, helping others with it or how educated you are in a subject
YOU ARE STILL A PERSON
Coaches need coaches, therapists need therapists, doctors need doctors
It’s important to know that it’s OK to reach out for help, no matter who you are
Which means you too have to make a conscious choice every day to take positive steps in the direction of your dreams
All the knowledge in the world will not be enough to make you immune to the struggles that come from being human (I wish though)
Times when you know you need to dig deeper, your mind will try to stop you because it’s ‘not safe, efficient, or important’
Then there will be moments of “weakness” where you’re doing something that definitely doesn’t move you closer to your goals & your mind will convince you that it’s “ok” & will come up w/ many ways to justify the decision so It aligns with some belief you have to make you feel better about yourself (thx brain)
Then there’s times where you only have awareness of the problem but no knowledge or idea how to change it in which case getting help should be a non-negotiable
I love to help people get as close to immunity as possible through the application of my systems & solutions to their struggle so they not only resolve it now but also have an arsenal to address if it comes up again
Want to see how we can work together to use mindset, self-love, and behavior change to make a lasting impact on your journey to achieving your goals?
Send me a message now and let’s chat😊❤️