My Passion to Serve
Thank you to those of you who refer me, tag me to let people know I can help them, recommend my free resources blogs podcasts, encourage people to work with me 1:1 or within my platform or attending events
It means so much to me
Running a business can be challenging and unpredictable. I love serving my community, clients, customers, listeners, and followers.
I work hard because I have passion to serve, educate, and support. I also work hard because it’s how I make my living
Supporting my business is not just paying me. It’s also all that I previously mentioned.
I invested tens of thousands into my education out of pocket with no loans or debt, completed an internship for my clinical mental health counseling masters program which I graduated summa cum Laude (4.0 GPA entire program), completing a year of competition prep, and enduring very difficult things in my personal life that could have led me to quit on everything if it wasn’t for this strong purpose and calling within me
I did this because I love this and believe so much in the BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY mission I set out on. But it would all mean nothing without an amazing community to serve.
I can only do the work I do with support, clients, customers, etc.
Thank you forever.
what started as a far fetched dream & random idea turned into the best community I could have ever imagined
This podcast has brought me some of the greatest friends, conversations, and breakthroughs
There were many personal growth opportunities that came from this podcast
I improved as a listener, got to see that my curious energy & desire to know more about people could be valued and appreciated, & I could see the power in trusting yourself & the nudges even when your dream or idea doesn’t make sense to your current life or vision
I had no idea I’d eventually begin offering my services to competitors or go on to get my masters in clinical mental health counseling and use those skills not just with my work or speaking engagements or live events but also in interviewing
In 2018, there weren’t many podcasts out in the industry, and certainly not enough media covering the incredible women of the fastest growing division, and social media was great but I always felt I wanted to know MORE about the lives of pros on and off the stage
I thought, success leaves clues and selfishly I’d like to become a pro so I can do this and learn but also I hope others will want to learn too
My work grew because of the guests of this podcast, the listeners who showed love and spread the word, & the consistent support that made me keep going even when hard
It’s been 5 years of podcasting & almost 5 years of releasing every Friday🤯
I’ve had the pleasure of having conversations I wouldn’t have had w/o it, connect with people online & connect others through it, & find my true calling helping competitors with their mental health to #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY
All because I said YES to a purely passion project with no other intention other than to learn, give, and uplift other women in this sport
The podcast has featured not just IFBB bikini pros but coaches, suit makers, posing specialists, health professionals, & even judges
Ive got so many ideas in store & I know it’ll all happen in time… plus, you all have INCREDIBLE ideas & guest suggestions as well as topic suggestions that always give me inspiration!
You Deserve It
You deserve to be loved, cherished, & valued as a priority with respect for your needs & commitments fulfilled
You deserve for someone to see you for who you are, honor who you’ve been, & uplift who you’re becoming
I’ve struggled with expressing my needs, desires, & beliefs about what it means to be loved “in return”
As I dive deeper into the word, I keep learning about what it means to love others without expectations
God calls us to love in the way he has loved & reminds us getting even or having anger or holding resentment are not meant for us to carry out as He makes all things right
This means God also is telling us that we deserve to be loved in the same way…
When he speaks about love & stories are told about relationships it is very clear that women are highly valued no matter our past as Jesus demonstrated his love for women that others detested & he restored them
We are taught:
We can be loved at our darkest (Roman’s 5:8)
We are loved not for our fancy worldly things but for our beautiful spirit which never fades (1 Peter 3:3-4)
Sometimes though, loving others in this way makes it difficult when we are not receiving it back or have been deceived or betrayed
It begs the question of what more can I do to receive love too?
But God also calls us to guard our heart because this is where everything we do flows from (proverbs 4:23)
I learned that without expression or boundaries or communication there can be resentment or feelings of emptiness & that can lead to negative behaviors
I believe the best earthly love is love reciprocated
The kind where both parties naturally give & receive love like a figure 8 that keeps going and going ♾️
We can’t rely on others to give us the love we give the same way because we are all different & even under different circumstances
But you can protect your heart & recognize that you are worthy of what you desire & it’s okay to stand up for your needs, leave unhealthy relationships or situationships, change dynamics of friendships or familyships, & walk away
Leaving beloved relationships was among the hardest & most freeing things I’ve done as it is allowing me to see what it means to have a biblical love🙏🏻❤️
A Lesson Learned Through Grieving
âLosing my mom meant losing a part of me. I miss this part of me often
I canât exactly pinpoint it but I know without her, something is missing in me
Iâve come to realize that every person in our life brings out or creates or partners up with a part of us that would otherwise not be present without them
I no longer believe life is meant to be lived independently or that we are all who we are just because of our own will
We are connected to all we encounter and if we are lucky enough to form bonds with people we need to also consider what would be made of us without this person
This became a reality for me when I lost my mom
The tragedy forced me to see that the role people play in my life is meaningful which also must mean the role I play in others life means something too
When a part of you dies with someone, you might seek it elsewhere, but youâll never find it because that connection was unique
Iâll always long for the bond I had with my mom but I also find beauty in knowing it was so uniquely special to us that it is truly irreplaceable
I hope this inspires you to take inventory on your relationships and identify the incredible value every person brings to your life or brings out in you
We are not just who we are to ourselves but we are also who others experience us as and how we experience others
I would never wish this tragedy on anyone but I hope in sharing my personal reflections it may inspire some introspection for you from a heart wrenching learned lesson through me
Happy Easter Sunday
Everytime I almost gave up on God, he did not give up on me.
He has been there through every dark time in my life and has shown me grace.
God sent Jesus to be an example among us, bringing him to walk and talk and live among us to fulfill the word.
I could never conceptualize the messages I heard in church about Jesus dying for our sins & really grasp how divine this act was.
He did not just die for us, he suffered endlessly so that we all may live
I recently started attending church again. After my mom died, i resisted going to church because I associated it with her.
She was a lover of God and passionately worshipped as a leader in the church i grew up going to in support of her.
I had many times in my life growing up where i questioned God and if all this was “real” I wanted so badly to defy it because of how much my mom believed it. It was like i was actively seeking reasons it could not be true.
This past October my spiritual awakening continued. I knew i felt an emptiness when I’d say “the universe” as though i was afraid to admit that God is real. But after my mom’s death in 2021, despite how badly i wanted to hate God, He showed up and gave me profound love.
He knew the pain i was in and the suffering i was facing and He showed himself again. I had an epiphany that maybe it was not that God had failed my mom or my family but actually saved her many times. I may share the full story of this revelation one day….
When i moved to Arizona I couldn’t stop listening to Christian music and it was so grounding for me.
I made many changes in my life, lots of healing was happening THROUGH me because of HIM.
I began to read his word again, try to grasp the concept of loving and accepting Jesus.
I had this breakthrough that my whole life i was comparing my faith to the faith i saw in others who seemed to have such a strong relationship with God.
And then it hit me one day while reflecting with a friend on her living room couch…it’s not about religion it’s about RELATIONSHIP and it dawned on me that my relationship with God is special and unique and sacred.
He knows my heart.
He created me inside of my mothers womb and blessed me with an incredible life. He gave me a purpose. He was always there EVEN WHEN I DIDNT WANT TO SEE HIM.
I got tired of looking away and I woke up.
I went on a hike in Sedona and i put my head on this rock and i prayed, “God show me what i need to see” and I smelled my mom for the first time in months.
When she died I’d always smell her but then it stopped and that day in that moment He revealed her peace and safety with Him.
He knew i needed to trust that he had her. I am emotional as i write all this out because my testimony did not happen in a single moment. But in many moments He was there. And in reflecting, i could see that.
I faced so much darkness and challenge in my life that some is inexplicable to have overcome or faced or moved through. At my darkest, prior to my mom’s passing, I wanted to kill myself and in a moment i felt this power i could not explain that stopped me and i felt this deep knowing that I’m meant for more HE IS NOT DONE WITH ME (HE IS NOT DONE WITH YOU).
I didn’t want to give him glory for that yet, but a part of me knew he deserved it. The light inside me may have been dim but it was still shining and needed some more oxygen as I kept trying to suffocate it out of fear, doubt, judgment…
I then went to this adult church group with my mom and it was a place i consistently challenged and questioned the word but one day it was my “turn” to be prayed over and i felt the SAME power which cannot be explained and it moved me
But i went about my life constantly comparing my faith to others and thinking God has not loved me how he loves others or has not moved in me like he has others because I don’t lift my hands in Church or sing passionately outside of my car or know verses and have friends in Christ
But i was so wrong.
When i realized he had always been there, i freed myself from doubt. I now know and feel him always.
I am growing and have been growing in my faith with him and he has given me many blessings.
Going back to church, and recently finding one I really enjoyed, the pastor painted the picture of Jesus’ death…absolutely gruesome and yet he had Grace and he showed up for his purpose, God’s purpose.
He fulfilled the scriptures for us.
Everyday is a blessing even when it is hard to keep going or faith waivers, I have more peace knowing that although I cannot fathom the sight at the cross or returning to the grave to be in awe that he was resurrected, I can be a witness through my faith that Jesus, who lived perfectly as an example and had no reason to be killed, died for us.
My Everyday Champion
🧸 hugs only🥰 & somehow we are always matching!
Of course, I had to make a special post for this special man
@mrwyckedshaun is my every day champion and he is a champion for so many others through his mission, work, story, and heart
All of us carry different experiences, lessons, & insight from our life and I appreciate every aspect of him & all that’s made him who he is
He is so genuine and caring and always shows up with a pure heart. He has compassion & everyone always recognizes his humility & can’t believe a man like him can be so humble!
I am so glad I got to have my first Arnold experience with him and see him in his element and hear so many positive things from the people I brought to meet him or saw him helping at a distance
It doesn’t surprise me though.
Ever since I first connected with Shaun I’ve seen such an incredibly bright, kind, loving soul and just want everyone else to experience his light too
Next time we see each other will be in Oklahoma! I get to finally meet his family ❤️
Also, We were thinking we should even do a mini event or meet up for anyone out there or nearby…message us if you think that would be fun :)
Also I’ve gotten questions about long distance so I want to also share some things on my heart…
Sometimes I forget we live across the country from each other because of how much we show up for each other every day
I won’t lie, being in a relationship can be very scary as it’s vulnerable especially with someone in the same industry as you
Some days are harder than others due to fear of 💔but I remind myself that fear is the enemy of love and anything I worry about I can give to God and he will make right
If we focus on the fear and vulnerability that comes with relationships, we lose sight of the things to be grateful for and start blocking our blessings
I didn’t even expect to get into a relationship, and I don’t think shaun did either, but we both knew we wanted each other and were willing to open ourselves up to being hurt for the possibility of love
It’s been well worth it all for this man🧸❤️
Thanks to those of you who read this all the way through and saw a bit further into my heart
My First Arnold!
My first @arnoldsports was one to remember 🤩
I just want to say how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to see and connect with as well as catch up with so many people I love and meeting a new faces too!
Thank you to everyone who took the time to tell me that you love the podcast and work I do, truly means so much to me🖤✨❤️
I am very grateful for the quality time and meaningful conversations. It was also really awesome to have such a close spot to the stage for bikini and men’s physique pre judging
It was really nice to attend an expo just as a spectator and having no other events or obligations
The time spent enjoying all there was to see and take in and all the wonderful people are what really made it worth it
More photos and memories to come and be shared I’m sure ❤️
My Second Family
We’re all huggers if you couldn’t tell
This community >
Bodybuilding truly has become so much more about these moments, contribution, and connection than anything else for me
It’s another family that’s brought me some of the best friends ever
If everything stopped tomorrow, I’d be so grateful for every drop of love I got to give and receive through this journey
Of course, we really are only just getting started so no plans to slow down anytime soon…
By the way, Who wants to see the epic video from the podcast party? I can’t believe I still haven’t posted it!🔥👀
Coping with Loss
This audio is my mom singing one of her favorite songs of all time, Amazing Grace, acapella. She had such a beautiful voice & loved singing
She sang her entire life, even professionally
In 2015 she died on the table in the hospital & truly by the grace of God was saved to be with us for another 6 years. Her time in the hospital was tumultuous in 2015 for many reasons
One of the hardest things was watching her have to rest from singing after having had tubes down her throat for weeks on end
She had this audio on her phone recorded as she gained her confidence & stamina in singing back. She never stopped trying. I saw the toll it took on her bc to my mom, EVERYTHING was a song!
2 years ago today I collapsed to the floor as I heard of the traumatic sudden loss of my mom
There is no adjective that could ever describe the pain. There are no words that I think could ever share the story of my mother in a way that truly honors all that she was. This has been a rough go around for me this year without her
Some days lately have been absolutely brutal for me emotionally as I yearn for my mothers physical presence. I know people say she is with me always and I can talk to her but it doesnât make up for what Iâve lost and what my family has endured
Not having my mom in my life anymore is something I have to wake up and face every day
Sometimes itâs a nagging pain other times a quick sharp pain and most days a dull pain Iâve come to live with. The hardest part is knowing she wonât be there for anything anymore I know itâs my love living on
I loved her wisdom, our laughs together, & our daily (most days multiple times) phone calls and texts. Iâm grateful to somehow still remember how her skin felt and the knuckles of her fingers and how they progressed over her wedding ring and her hands
I had countless nights with her at the side of my bed holding my hand or playing with my feet or just falling asleep next to me
I cherish those memories
Although making sense of her death and sharing it one day may never be the reality, I know I can honor her life and how she lived by doing right by her
She empowered me in every way imaginable
I know sheâs singing in heavenð
2020 USAs to 2022 North Americans
2020 USAs to 2022 North Americans
So much changed between these photos
The physical change keeps me fired up to keep working diligently in my current improvement season
From Dec 2020 to Nov 2021 had a lot of trauma & pain through the loss of my mother as well as getting sick right after my show & managing entering the final phase of my masters program, moving states, & living alone for the first time… one thing didn’t change, my commitment to my routine
There were times during my grief where I only cried all day & my stomach hurt & flipped so much that I couldn’t tell if I was hungry, full, or sick
Routine helped me nourish & care for myself in that time even when dark thoughts came over me making me doubt or question literally the point of anything
But my bodybuilding lifestyle was so engrained in me I kept on point
My business & the clients i had to serve, my family & my closest friends kept me going
No one gave up on me so I wouldn’t either. I am forever grateful to those who showed up
My body put on a lot of weight last improvement season even despite consistency (swipe to 2nd photo to see Sep 2021 height of improvement season 159lbs to Sep 2022 10 days post show 113.6lbs)
I knew so much of it was likely a response to my life changes
I was actually confident in myself because I wasn’t binging or overeating. Even despite excessive fat gain I was proud because I didn’t give up on myself
I pushed hard in the gym & I showed up for me!
As a result, I created my next best physique that got to be displayed by the end of my 2022 season
It took a LONG time & a LOT of work to get there but it fortified me & taught me a lot
I had amazing guidance to bring my best & prep & peak by @seeyoulaterleaner he implemented new strategies I never had the opportunity to try before & it made a difference
Now we are almost 6 months post show! I share my check ins every Tuesday in my story btw @celestial_fit
I hope to help someone out there who is doubting their progress, struggling, or feels lost
Embrace confidence, prioritize execution, & let go of the timeline
With consistency & compassion you’ll get there❤️ #BELIEVEYOURWAYTOBADASS & #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY