​It’s been a minute since I said “hi” on here and really just shared a bit about who I am behind the internet 

Thought I’d shared some new things & some things I’ve not shared just for fun

Would ❤️ to learn something about you too! Comment below for fun😍

🗒My mission is to help people build more than just a body. I didn’t pull this mission out of thin air though it really came from my own personal struggles & it continues to evolve beautifully
 

🧠I earned my bachelors degree in psychology and focused most of my studies on disordered eating, self-affect, body image, mindfulness, and other related topics
 

🧠I earned my associates in science degree and studied dietetics for a year but knew my passion was not in telling people HOW to eat
 

🧠I’ve always been a NASM certified personal trainer & my business started as strictly online training 4+ years ago & has changed since then

All of this education really helps me serve my clients at a high level & I don’t regret getting my college degree even though I live in the generation of “just run your own business, college is a waste of money” it’s NOT if you spend it on the things that inspire you & can impact others

🦋I used to be very depressed & this gave me anxiety. But now I rarely experience depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation

👫I’ve had more boyfriends than I’d like to admit over the years for many different reasons but then I found my person Robbie Robbins & it’s been 4 years of amazingness

💪🏻Competing didn’t bring me the lifestyle, the lifestyle brought me competing

😻I crushed hard on Steven Tyler & Aerosmith is my fav🤘🏻

😳 I would rather have a horrible period every cycle for the rest of my life than none at all

Almost a year ago I was told I was basically in menopause, I was 21

I cried for hours on end over multiple days thinking I would not be able to have kids one day

Dr.s told me I had to take birth control like my life depended on it. Well, it made me suicidal, I threw it away & I got my period on my own a few months later & now am on my 6th consecutive month❤️🥳

🥤I haven’t had soda in over a decade

Tell me something about you!⬇️

Everyone and their mother had something to say about my weight, size, and body
 
It was like as soon as I gained a little bit of weight or was bloated or didn’t look show ready everyone wanted to ask me what happened
 
After my last show almost a year ago I was feeling VERY off with myself
 
My body wasn’t really responding well to anything I ate even the things that have been in my diet for over 5 years
 
I had to change up a lot of things pretty quick in an effort to get my period back
 
I was pretty depressed thinking I may not be able to have kids or compete again because I was told I was in menopause
 
and I had some binge episodes that I wasn’t proud of
 
Add on top of that having a very skewed view of my body, feeling lost, and comparing myself to others
 
We had a recipe for disaster
 
It didn’t last long thankfully because I had all the tools and knowledge to address it but damn it was still a big learning lesson
 
Considering I actually HAD to do something about it when I didn’t think I’d ever have those issues again
 
But that led me to develop new methods and I’m SUPER grateful for it because It helped me find my BIGGER purpose (I swear that’s why I had to go through it all)
 
Anyways, I went to the gym and people would say some rude things about my body like
 
“You look wider”
“You are getting bigger”
“How much weight have you already gained”
.
But I couldn’t blame them, I conditioned them to think making comments about my body all the time was fine/normal because when I was on prep I ate that shit up ;)
.
“leaner, muscles, veins, wow, looking amazing...”
.
So why was I so upset?
 
Because their words were a reflection of how I felt about myself so I twisted and changed their meaning to fit the negative narrative in my head
 
I legit hid in the spin room one night and cried and cried and cried on the bike because despite my efforts my body was fighting me and I had to just LOVE her anyways
 
That sucks to admit but I hated it
 
And ironically I was much lighter based on the scale, much leaner based on the body scanner, and much tighter based on how my clothing fit than I am now
 
BUT THAT DIDN’T MATTER
 
How I felt about myself, talked to myself, and treated myself dictated how everything else went
 
But like I said, I learned more, even committed to more of my psychology studies to the exact problems I was dealing with which helped a lot and I PRACTICED WHAT I PREACH
 
Now? If someone comments about my weight, size, or body at all it doesn’t impact my day as dramatically
 
If it’s a compliment or a weird question or statement I just say something like:
 
“thank you so much for noticing”
 
“yes I feel so much healthier & stronger I can’t wait to be back on stage but now isn’t the time”
 
“I’m focused on building muscle right now so it’s awesome to hear that!”
 
Or if I wanna really make them think I just say “i know isn’t it awesome! I’ve had my period for 5 months in a row now!” Lol
 
And sometimes even “I’ve been so proud of myself I’m taking such good care of my body and she’s loving me for it”
 
Any of these work for literally anyone could say to me
 
I still love being told I look amazing. But now I feel like I look amazing which means what anyone else says won’t further validate or devalidate that because I’ve already decided that I’m feeling good about myself right now
 
That’s the key, making peace with ourselves so our actions that follow are loving and move us forward and things like numbers or comments can’t ruin our day
 
If you haven’t listened to the latest episode of confessions of a bikini pro podcast it is the first coach’s week feature starring Adam Bonilla and he announced that I am his go to coach to refer his team to for all things mental in this sport now which is absolutely AMAZING
 
I feel completely honored that one of the best in the industry sees my value and knows what I can bring to the table for his girls
 
I use my exclusive PTG process that I developed to help competitors through the mental demands both prep and the improvement season can bring
 
Want a taste of it?
 
Click here to get access to the: FREE POST-SHOW BLUES COACHING SERIES

I’m also developing something insanely awesome for competitors right now and on top of that I’m about to release something pretty cool. All for free now to see what you guys think
 
in other words, Stay tuned ;)

When I was 18 I finally started going to therapy. I had been going through my days wondering when depression would hit me and being fearful of it avoiding my own self like the plague, I had enough of It and expressed to my parents I was still suicidal and sad.
 
When I started seeing my therapist she told me to make a list of all the things I love to spend my time doing and even would like to spend more time doing, this is actually the list in this picture- I kept it as a reminder of how far I have come, what my purest needs are, and how important it is to really do more things we love to do. If you make one, I would love to see it!
 
This is not just helpful for people with depression or anxiety. But all people. It is truly a fantastic personal development exercise as it can reveal many of your values, needs, and desires. I have passed this on to many clients and friends because it is so simple too.
 
And there is no pressure to go out and do it all at once but writing down that you love to look at the stars sure makes you stop and look up more often when you get out of the car. And that moment of peace or happiness or realization of the expansion around us, could make the difference for the night or the week or the next hour and that is a BIG deal for anyone struggling.
 
Depression is an ill-defined problem, which means that there is no clear solution. Every case really is different. Depression is also often comorbid. Mine showed up with anxiety specifically, which many people experience. There are many different disorders that can show up as an anxiety typed disorder. It also is prevalent among those with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder.
 
Unfortunately, when depression is comorbid with something else it means the person diagnosed has been diagnosed to qualify with the symptoms of both which makes the case much more severe. Usually comorbidity increases the likelihood of suicide.
 
Many people will self-diagnose but the Diagnostic statistic manual is what Americans are diagnosed using. Regardless, it is important to know that sometimes these things come as a package deal all at once or one causes the other.
 
Good news, we are all different. Bad news, we are all different. Each of us requires a different approach usually. Even one-degree difference can make ALL the difference.
 
For me, this was something that I vividly remember sitting down to create and making me feel good in the moment. I was told not to choose things I had to make a lot of effort to do but to just list the things that made me happy and I liked to spend my time doing.
 
Then I brought them to her, and we decided I would start doing more of those things. And I got happier. Obviously, this wasn’t the all-powerful healing method that changed everything, but it was part of the journey. A part I am happy to share with you and tell myself, even if one person does this and benefits, that is a degree of change worth posting this for.
 
Let me know if you make this and how you feel, post a pic on your story and tag me or if it is more private send me a dm I would love to celebrate your loving action with you.