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I witnessed one of the most important people in my life hang on to their life by a thread, revived back to life by doctors, only to continue fighting for weeks
I was looked in the eye by this person after asking if they were happy to be saved & they shook their head no I sat in a chair in a cold hospital while a person I loved so much was slipping away & couldn’t even speak So many tears, fear, and darkness The worst part about it honestly is how much shame surrounds this subject To the point where they don’t ever want anyone to know or to ever discuss it It isn’t my story to tell. But the way I was impacted, is my story A very small, protected, minuscule fraction of a horrible time in my life It is indescribable what it feels like to drive someone you love to the hospital after finding them in a distressed state It is indescribable to hear voice mails expressing ‘I love yous’ that were meant to be ‘goodbyes’ . It is indescribable to hear them admit to harming themselves when the nurse asks It is indescribable to hear crying screams echo in places you are used to having peace It is indescribable to know someone you love died & was brought back to life It is indescribable to express how suicide impacts the people around us Rather than sharing my own story and struggles with depression, suicidal ideation, my attempt, and the incredible transformation, mindset, and life shifts I’ve had since that dark time in my own life, I share the story of almost losing a loved one to suicide Because on Worldwide Suicide Prevention day, sometimes we need the reminder that it can hit anyone, at anytime, even the strongest people who have seemingly endured it all, they need to be checked in on too Show grace, love, and understanding to people or don’t show anything at all Releasing judgment and stigma is an important step no matter if it’s someone who has those thoughts, has had an attempt and recovered, or who has been battling for years ❤️❤️❤️ I witnessed one of the most important people in my life hang on to their life by a thread, revived back to life by doctors, only to continue fighting for weeks I was looked in the eye by this person after asking if they were happy to be saved & they shook their head no I sat in a chair in a cold hospital while a person I loved so much was slipping away & couldn’t even speak So many tears, fear, and darkness The worst part about it honestly is how much shame surrounds this subject To the point where they don’t ever want anyone to know or to ever discuss it It isn’t my story to tell. But the way I was impacted, is my story A very small, protected, minuscule fraction of a horrible time in my life It is indescribable what it feels like to drive someone you love to the hospital after finding them in a distressed state It is indescribable to hear voice mails expressing ‘I love yous’ that were meant to be ‘goodbyes’ . It is indescribable to hear them admit to harming themselves when the nurse asks It is indescribable to hear crying screams echo in places you are used to having peace It is indescribable to know someone you love died & was brought back to life It is indescribable to express how suicide impacts the people around us Rather than sharing my own story and struggles with depression, suicidal ideation, my attempt, and the incredible transformation, mindset, and life shifts I’ve had since that dark time in my own life, I share the story of almost losing a loved one to suicide Because on Worldwide Suicide Prevention day, sometimes we need the reminder that it can hit anyone, at anytime, even the strongest people who have seemingly endured it all, they need to be checked in on too Show grace, love, and understanding to people or don’t show anything at all Releasing judgment and stigma is an important step no matter if it’s someone who has those thoughts, has had an attempt and recovered, or who has been battling for years ❤️❤️❤️I witnessed one of the most important people in my life hang on to their life by a thread, revived back to life by doctors, only to continue fighting for weeks I was looked in the eye by this person after asking if they were happy to be saved & they shook their head no I sat in a chair in a cold hospital while a person I loved so much was slipping away & couldn’t even speak So many tears, fear, and darkness The worst part about it honestly is how much shame surrounds this subject To the point where they don’t ever want anyone to know or to ever discuss it It isn’t my story to tell. But the way I was impacted, is my story A very small, protected, minuscule fraction of a horrible time in my life It is indescribable what it feels like to drive someone you love to the hospital after finding them in a distressed state It is indescribable to hear voice mails expressing ‘I love yous’ that were meant to be ‘goodbyes’ . It is indescribable to hear them admit to harming themselves when the nurse asks It is indescribable to hear crying screams echo in places you are used to having peace It is indescribable to know someone you love died & was brought back to life It is indescribable to express how suicide impacts the people around us Rather than sharing my own story and struggles with depression, suicidal ideation, my attempt, and the incredible transformation, mindset, and life shifts I’ve had since that dark time in my own life, I share the story of almost losing a loved one to suicide Because on Worldwide Suicide Prevention day, sometimes we need the reminder that it can hit anyone, at anytime, even the strongest people who have seemingly endured it all, they need to be checked in on too Show grace, love, and understanding to people or don’t show anything at all Releasing judgment and stigma is an important step no matter if it’s someone who has those thoughts, has had an attempt and recovered, or who has been battling for years ❤️❤️❤️
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 Last time I was in San Diego I went to this beach & asked a random couple to take this photo of me I have a security screen Which makes it INCREDIBLY difficult to see anything on it in bright sunlight This is a pic of me laughing as they tell me they aren’t even sure if they are taking a pic This could also be a picture of me presently being so happy and excited that I have 8 women committed to coming to San Diego with me on October 12th to learn the psychology and personal development tools required to make competing more fulfilling and freeing At my Free event for competitors! And a few spots left to be taken by more amazing competitors (maybe even you?!) We will be diving into how to Build More than Just a Body, and truly make peace with food, your body, and your goals Whether you’re in your improvement season or prep, you won’t want to miss this event I’ll be sharing many of the tools behind my PTG Process I developed just for competitors I am so excited!!!!!!🥳 I would love to see you there It is my first event and you best believe I’m going ALL out (all in?) With it!!!😊💓😭 It’ll be one for the books! Scroll down to see a photo of the cute venue I booked where soo many internal shifts & transformations will take place It is in North Park just minutes away from the beach, convention center (& The Fit Expo is that weekend so you can kill two birds with one stone!), & the famous ‘The Gym’ I’m committed to generating results, sharing tools, & supporting all attendees in such a way that they leave feeling impacted for LIFE Going into topics like body image, food relationship, mindset, post-show blues, prep, goals & values, life satisfaction, & SO MUCH MORE It’ll be a close knit group 😍 . Of course we will also be making deep connections, having fun, & enjoying our time together! Want to join us? CLICK HERE TO RESERVE YOUR SPOT NOW The event is free w/ a $35 butt in seat fee that I will pay back to you upon your arrival 🙂 . 9-2pm on Sat. October 12th I can take on 2-3 more people given the venue I booked has a 12 person limit I know everyone who shows up is meant to be there & I can’t wait to meet YOU😍🧠😊   I was honestly so nervous to ride a bike again. I thought I completely forgot how & I know they say you never forget but sometimes it can be scary to do something as an adult that you haven’t done since you were a kid
Your brain has so much more capacity & wiring for fear as an adult As a kid there is not as much maturity in the brain development so we take more risks and do things usually without full consideration for consequences or outcomes As an adult we are master storytellers & do an incredible job of convincing ourselves to stay safe This was a fairly irrational fear of mine. Especially because I’ve been craving the feeling of riding a bike for awhile now. I knew I had to go do it! I had even put this on my list of 22 things by or at 22 for my last birthday I also always fantasized about riding a beach cruiser! So this past weekend I did it!!! Not only did I get on a bike for the first time since I was a kid, but I got on a bike I’ve always wanted to try riding but never have! Luckily I had the support of Robbie who always brings such a light heart and fun spirit to everything which made me feel even more safe and happy I could not stop smiling I looked forward to doing this all week and now that I’ve done it I wonder why I kept convincing myself I may not be able to This served as a powerful reminder for me to continue embracing my inner child, face the fears that have been created from past experiences, & expose myself to the things I want to shy away from I definitely wouldn’t say I’m going to become an avid biker or start doing things just to do them But if I get the nudge & fear comes up, I’ll know it just might be a good idea after all Sharing this because I really hope that if there’s something you’ve been wanting to do or are afraid to do or unsure of...that you now choose to do it If you don’t love it, that’s ok no one says you have to But maybe you will! & that’s worth a shot 🙂 What can you commit to doing? Let us know so we can all cheer each other on! 😊🥳👏🏻  Feel like my shape has been coming in more and more each week! Which is so rewarding!
Been focusing on lifting heavier every session & having more control of each set to make sure I’m holding onto & even building muscle while leaning out & calories are still high I can tell my body composition is changing because I am fitting into clothing that hasn’t fit in a long time, I can see changes with my eyes, & I can feel changes; even my lifting belt notches have been proof! I’m super happy with this pace and where I’m at. At first I felt some “I want it now” feelings but now I’m like ooof there’s literally NO need to rush especially when I’m thoroughly enjoying this and all the learning that comes with it It really is about showing up and putting the work in. In everything in life you can’t create the transformation or results without consistent, conscious, and purpose driven effort That can only come from within you Each day is Mindset. Eat. Train. Sleep. Serve Clients. Love my People. Love Myself. Repeat This time around I’m being very conscious of not going on auto-pilot just because I’m following a plan Making sure every action I take is done with intent and backed by positive thoughts as well as consideration for why I’m doing it Not just eating the food to eat or because coach says so but because it makes me feel amazing or its nutritional benefits or it’s something my body likes And remembering to tune into my body through it all! Feeling super confident & happy with myself regardless of the pace makes the process so much more enjoyable 🙂 . Thanks for joining me 💓  If you peel back all your layers, What is left? What truly matters to you in the core of your soul?
When you know your true core soul codes, you can unlock a why more powerful than you’ve ever known So when you go to the gym it’s not to “lose the fat” or “look x way” or “feel good in my skin” or “get stronger” but maybe it is also; To connect with more people at the gym which satisfies a value such as community or connection to others Or maybe you value freedom and going to the gym allows you to release stored energy or stress so you can show up to your job or for your business with more peace and presence which gives you the opportunity to grow in your career or biz Or maybe you value family and going to the gym allows you to invest time in yourself so you can be more present with them or so you can set positive examples or empower them or be able to run and play and be active Or maybe you value impact and by going to the gym you’re able to inspire and motivate others to do the same or show up for people with more energy and confidence so you are able to go much deeper with them and help them even more I COULD GO ON There’s an exercise I take a majority of my clients through that helps them identify their core soul codes and then connect their goals to them for greater and deeper WHYs If you need more motivation, feel like life’s just meh or its Groundhog Day, take a moment to really think about what matters to you at your core and how achieving / committing to all that you are helps you further satisfy those values🙌🏻 Would love to hear what yours are!! Comment below!⤵️ For me, family, freedom, impact, passion work, and fun/fulfillment, are some of my core values. In this picture, all are somehow represented. ❤️🙌🏻🏞 THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX, DIG DEEPER!!☺️  It hasn’t always been so easy for me just because I have my shit together now & help other competitors make peace with food, their body & their goals
I struggled, hard. I picked myself up fast but it was rough I was talking with my friend yesterday & she said it’s hard to imagine it was ever tough for you considering where u r now. That hit me I documented so much of my journey from last year to now. Embracing my body, taking on the challenge of putting my health first, gaining more weight, changing things, etc But it wasn’t the easiest job in the world just because I knew a lot of what it would take to get better I share many vulnerable videos & private snap chats I sent to robbie or my close friends when I was goin through it in this post (SEE ALL PICS ON INSTAGRAM HERE) I know way more now than I did last September luckily from my Psychology studies & of course experiences But it was rough Gaining more than 35 pounds after my last show gradually was a byproduct of me working hard to get my period back I wasn’t even 10lbs up from my show when people were making comments about my body Saying mean hurtful things & even receiving some DMs that weren’t so nice I didn’t feel the need to justify my weight gain or put it out there because I felt that perpetuates the problem of attaching weight to worth I didn’t say “ok I’m gunna gain x pounds to get my period back & make sure my ovaries are functioning” then go eat shit & stop moving I lifted heavy 5-6 days a week, ate in a surplus of healthy foods, & didn’t do cardio. I cut out all stress from my life Naturally, I gained weight bc this was different than my last 1.5yrs of prep I also struggled with food. That pic in the ice cream store? I cried after my sis sent me that I felt like a failure like a fraud I ate when I wasn’t even hungry & that thought ate me up I covered up my body many days. I snuck into the garage when no one was home to eat Oreos, I ate when no one was home because then they couldn’t call me out I felt lost like I’d never have kids or get my period or step on stage again like things were hanging on by a thread But I persevered, stuck to my self-love practices, became mindful, snapped out of autopilot & did what I needed to do without the pressure of expectations or “norms” . Now I’m healthy, have never loved my body more, & am competing out of pure love & Joy I have for it—not to change ME or my body I am happy to have gained the knowledge & expertise through my studies but feel my relatability & true understanding of this sport makes a big difference in the results I’m getting with my girls as they trust me when it comes to applying it & so do their coaches Thank you for reading all of this. If you did I truly appreciate you, hope you are okay, and am here for you❤️ If you’re looking for help with this. If you’re struggling post show. Or you’re having a hard time mentally with prep or the improvement season, REACH OUT FOR HELP I have a free 7 day post show coaching series, a competitor card deck with affirmations actions and journal prompts And on my YouTube I have videos on various topics like this and my blog with a competitor section If you are ready for more 1:1 support, which I believe is vital, I have coaching programs and mentorship opportunities to provide the support, care, and coaching needed to move through this If you’d like to learn more, Contact Me  “Never felt like an employee, always felt like CEO” - @russ
I don’t always talk biz on here but I felt inspired to write this today, hope it lights someone’s fire I’ve been building my business since I was 18 and always knew I wanted to work for myself. Always starting my own ventures since I was a young girl I’ve had this vision for a long time & haven’t stopped when things are tough I’ve invested over $40k into my business, personal development, mindset, & craft I’ve invested early mornings & sleepless nights committed to growing & learning so I bring something to the table that makes a real difference Things have changed a lot along the way because I have changed but they’ve never been better than they are now Of course this isn’t to say I don’t have new levels I’m committed to achieving. But this post really is about perspective I worked three jobs (Personal Trainer, Virtual Assistant, & Biz Co-Coach) while being a full time student AND building my business I went from celebrating 3 visitors on my blog to writing a #1 Best-Selling Self-Help Book, doing book signing, speaking engagements, & podcast features I went from having no one interested in my offers to controlled promotion & applications to be sure I am 100% there for my current clients I went from feeling kinda fulfilled to now fully aligned with my purpose & mission I went from launching events & having NO ONE commit, to now having an event that people are EXCITED about & committing to There was a time I thought I’d never be able to quit my jobs & only work for myself I kept my head up every day. I loved EVERYTHING I was doing too so don’t get me wrong. I just didn’t have the belief, trust, or ability to only work for myself Until one day I did AND PEOPLE STILL QUESTION IF I’LL KEEP GOING!🤦🏻♀️ If I didn’t give up then I damn sure can’t be stopped now👏🏻🔥 Everyday I wake up with passion & affirm, “WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS TOO IMPORTANT TO QUIT ON! PERSEVERE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO NEED THIS & HONOR YOUR MISSION!” & Everyday I show up I WRITE THIS TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU CAN DO THIS TOO! Whatever it is you want to do, GO DO IT! #bossbabemindset #successstories #alwaysgrowing  Do you love your body for how she looks or how she functions?
I used to base all my self-love, worth & value on the way my body looked I equated my ability of being a good trainer on how I looked I equated my ability to be loved & trusted on how I looked I equated my ability to be seen & acknowledged & appreciated on how I looked I thought it was the solution to my darkest demons I thought it could cure my depression, relieve my anxiety, & give me confidence In myself I thought that the more I focused on how I looked, what I weighed, & my measurements then the more control I had of my life But then I achieved my first best physique of my life and I still had issues, demons & darkness What a scam!!! (Lol) It was only then that I realized this goes so much deeper than surface level I focused on loving myself & loving my body One major takeaway that feels fitting to share today is that now approximately only 10% of the love I feel for my body is relative to the way I am shaped The other 90% is based on my function, feel, & overall unconditional support my body gives me When I stopped focusing on what my body wasn’t & started focusing on what my body was, I saw that she is the most committed vehicle for my soul She functions & looks out for me & tries to clean up my messes even when I’m not prepared to stop making them She is always doing her best with what I give her & willing to look for more resources She is wired to serve & love me And I LOVE that about her The more positive action I take to support her in her purpose the more love I feel for myself The more I recognize her incredible functions beyond my physique like her ability to transport nutrients throughout my systems, filter out bad air, digest food, repair tissues, fight illness, & SO MUCH MORE... the more I LOVE her It’s a daily conscious choice to reframe my thought patterns this way Our brain has this ability to change & create new neural pathways but it takes commitment Want support in improving your body image & loving yourself in deep & positive ways? Contact Me to learn about the ways we can work together to resolve this and #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY  I haven’t made an official post about me graduating because honestly I’ve been SO busy since school.
Pretty much all the hours of the day that were previously found and dedicated to school were immediately filled with business and clients and I’m so thankful for that. A lot of people don’t know that I wanted so badly to drop out of school to focus all my attention on my business. I wasn’t enjoying what I was studying really. I had started school trying to become a dietician. But quickly realized I had no interest in actually telling people what to eat or spend any time in a hospital setting because I just never liked that. I expressed my frustrations to robbie after almost a full year of under grad studies for clinical nutrition and dietetics. And he’s like all you talk about is mindset and personal development and how much you love studying lifespan development, psychology classes, and philosophy. Why don’t you do something like that? I told him I just wanted to study something I actually loved. And my parents would have kicked me out of the house. (Love them for that I was being so ungrateful and I know that now. I would never take back the blessing of an education for anything) So I found a new online school and declared my psychology major. And I am SO frikkin happy I did. It was truly the best thing I’ve done. It was challenging at times. I was working three jobs at one point, one of which was running my own business. I was also prepping for shows for over a year of my time in school. Before I went into college I had started my business right after high school. I was actually verbally committed to play volleyball for a university in Wisconsin but gave that up to pursue my true new love of fitness and bodybuilding. I was blessed with two parents who had been saving money to put me through college since I was born & I am so lucky and grateful for them putting me through college. So many people said studying online would be too hard but for me I loved it! It allowed me to work multiple jobs and grow my business. I also never love being forced to be somewhere at x time. I also was NOT interested in the typical collage lifestyle. Every time I sat down to get my schoolwork done it was a personal choice which made the experience even more gratifying for me. I was doing speaking engagements in various cities and states for business as a young entrepreneur. I became a #1 best-selling self-help author, I was featured on over 25 podcasts, online interviews, masterclasses, and articles. I started my own podcast which now has over 100k unique downloads. I did 6 bikini competitions placing top five in all five of the ones that I did in one year. I fell in love with the sport Hated myself. Loved myself. Had a horrible relationship with food and my body. Healed my relationship with food and my body. Fell in love. Hired mentors, helped other business owners, refined my own mission, impacted lives all over the world, developed new friends, made lots of mistakes, had some seriously traumatic experiences happen that I still have not talked about and some of which are part of my story but not my story to tell. I Quit my jobs. Went full time in my business. Took on way more responsibility in my life I mean seriously so much has happened in four years. I am so grateful for that time. I am so grateful for everything I learned. I loved all my classes earning my degree in Psychology. I got straight A’s (except for two required math classes where I got Bs lol!). I loved school and loved pushing myself to learn and be better and apply myself I was guided to my true passion of helping others with their mindset around food, their body, and their goals. I have such a better and deeper understanding of why people do things they do, act the way they act, and believe in what they believe in. I feel like the textbooks, exams, research, reports, and ALL of it really added knowledge and value that I would have not previously had. I will never look down on college or the commitment to higher education ever again. It was meaningful for me. It has enhanced how I work with my clients. It had changed the way I feel about things. The textbook knowledge combined with real, raw experiences has led me through pain and darkness to so much light and love. I have amazing amazing amazing people in my life. My parents, my sister, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, so many amazing people. I am so proud of myself for going to school, sticking with it, never giving up on MY dreams even though I totally could have & some people told me to consider it. And now I have my degree, I’m making a real impact doing what I really love, and I am SO happy. Thank you for being along for the ride with me. I couldn’t have done a majority of this without the support of many of you.  What a shame that I spent years loathing;
the legs that allowed me to jump, run, play, and stand the tummy that allowed me to receive nourishment, transport nutrients to my cells and throughout my body, and support my ability to stay present making memories the arms that provided me opportunities to catch, throw, right, lift, cuddle, hug, squeeze, and do the wave the chest that keep me comfortable when jumping rope, allow me to rarely have to wear bras, and don't make me too sweaty the shoulders that helped me play the sports I love, patiently hold things up for people, and do the biggest stretches every morning the body that supported me in everything I did, kept me healthy, kept me safe, and fought with me the body that worked with me, trusted me even when I didn't always trust her, and moved me forward in life the body that has grown with me, seen the things that I have seen, experienced the things I have, and endured what I have the body that allows me to cry, laugh, love, and have an epic human experience I have said horrible things about my body and to her. I have wanted to morph her, change her, even replace her. I have questioned if she was beautiful enough, strong enough, fun enough, coordinated enough, healthy enough, lean enough, fat enough, muscular enough, hot enough, worthy enough. I have treated my body in incredible ways and horrible ways and yet she exists to hold me and support me as a soul having this physical journey. It has taken deep inner work, energy releasing, thought pattern shifting, neural pathway changing, and pure unconditional love and desire to love that has allowed me to see my body in the most uplifting, empowering, and kind ways. No matter how big I have been or will be, no matter how small I have been or will be, no matter how strong, weak, capable, balanced, and any other way I could be, this is my body. And in order to have an incredible and communicative relationship with her, my best reason to love her is not only because in her purest form of existence she was made to love me, but also because she was made to love me no matter how I treat her which is why I will always choose to do the same. |
Celeste Rains-Turk
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