Welcome to my Blog
I write a new blog almost daily! Feel free to comment, share, and connect with me! I love hearing from my readers!
Welcome to my Blog
I write a new blog almost daily! Feel free to comment, share, and connect with me! I love hearing from my readers!
How Making Peace with Food, My Body, and My Goals Set me Up for Long-Term Success I Used to Dream About
In the past I’d struggle with the post-show blues; rebounding, feeling lost, & accepting body changes
In 2015 I committed myself to making peace with food & my body after gaining 30lbs in 3 weeks post my first show thinking I’d never compete again
In that time I immersed myself in personal development, mentorship, business development, & my degrees
I went away from studying dietetics (which was a tough transition since I’d already been at it for over a year plus emphasized it in my AS degree) & committed to Psychology as that was my true calling & passion, to help others make peace with themselves through understanding, awareness, love, & action!
I ended up getting back into competing because I realized it was not the problem & I was not the problem; It was something that aligned with my lifestyle & I had the power to create solutions & commitments!
When I started Confessions of a Bikini Pro Podcast I saw a deeper need in the community which made me realize I needed to take my mission of BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY to BODY-BUILDERS
I devoted my degree time reporting on research on eating disorders, body image, mindfulness, behaviors, self-esteem, literally anything I could get my hands on that was relative to the fitness & bodybuilding worlds
This ALL inspired the launch of my post-show personal development program, my food relationship healing & discovery 1:1 program, & my on-demand mindset coaching platform
Who knew I’d even end up in a Master’s program for Clinical Mental Health Counseling!?
With all of this being said...believe in your journey, know there’s a reason for this, shining light on your darkness always pays off, & trust me when I say you can make peace with food & your body WHILE accomplishing your goals
You’re a whole person, an athlete, a go-getter; & deserve to be treated as such!
You don’t have to give up everything you love & have worked hard for to make peace, but you‘ll need to challenge your perspective, beliefs, & behaviors
Start getting guidance with my free post-show blues coaching series or click HERE for info on my 1:1 food relationship program now!
See my testimonials page for inspiration from others who are making peace with food, their body, and their goals😍
Today would have been show day for me!
I had plans, like many athletes, to show up and compete! But plans change & even if we don’t have control of that change we can shift our perspective on it
I took these check-ins yesterday & it’s been about 3 weeks of reversing with the goal of keeping conditioning
My body has just continued to respond to adjustments which makes this an excellent time to LEARN & test things
More data for me & my coach!
I have so much pride and excitement seeing this because not only did I build this body but I am keeping her, supporting her, loving her, and progressing WITH her
It is empowering and freeing to know that because I’ve taken & continue to take the time to BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY that my mind is working with me to fully do my best for her
When I look in the mirror I don’t just see a physique I love and which is ever evolving. Reflected back is my work ethic, drive, commitment, & even vision!
I can be proud of myself and my efforts before I judge myself, a number on the scale, or visible lines on my body—that’s Winning
Above all else I see a woman who stands up for herself, her health, her growth, & her goals no matter what that means!
None of us need a show or the stage to prove that or feel that. But when it’s time to step on stage, it’ll be game time! We’ll be more than ready, hungry to succeed, & prepared to perform!
Celebrate yourself today!!! Especially if you had plans to compete, choose to recognize how far you’ve come and how far you’ll go!
This is all a blessing & it’s happening for a reason!! When you see it this way and believe in this, you can make it this way!
Ok who else got the memo?! Apparently I match with my hikes now🤣
Damn I love living in a free country.
Amazing what freedoms we take for granted when they’re even slightly stripped from us
So much to be grateful for and today, it’s these amazing views, time with my sister, the freedoms I have, and the lifestyle I live
I am so happy right now and truly thriving. My life hasn’t changed much since this lockdown because I run my business from home, have always gone to school online, and am such a homebody
With the exception of the show schedules (would’ve competed tomorrow!!), the grocery stores becoming a chore, the gym being closed, and some slight biz changes; it’s not that different
But my heart is heavy with consideration for the mental health toll this can and is taking on many
I hope we can challenge our perspectives and choose presence above all else as this continues
I wrote and submitted an article for an interview series I was asked to be part of on Developing Mindfulness and Serenity in Stressful and Uncertain Times
I’ll be able to share those links for some pretty amazing platforms next month when they’re expected to publish but I plan to share some pieces of it here soon
Comment below something you’re excited about right now?! 😊❤️
Things are still moving! I’m pretty surprised to be honest
I’m not used to seeing my body continue to drop weight or respond when starting a reverse diet phase
I’m down another 1.7lbs since last week and some inches too
Even though we are still focused on conditioning (and I’m running like crazy lollll)
I’ve had slight decrease in cardio, food went up very small amount but was given a refeed the past 2 mondays which of course contributes to a higher overall intake
I am super proud of myself but also trying not to focus too much on the numbers and instead remain focused on what really matters which is my overall commitment to myself, how I feel, & my internal growth
I am not body checking a ton because if my actions are aligned with my goals then I have no reason to worry about how my body looks
I use check ins as data and that’s enough. I let my coach take things where they need to go
I, like many of you, had to stop my prep. But I am grateful for this as it’s been a real gift as I have shared before
I have been able to make the most of working out from home
My mindset is in a really good place and I’m focused on every single action one at a time versus stressing about if I’m 12 weeks out or if I’m on prep or blah blah blah
Let me just do me & live this lifestyle because I love it
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
I can honestly say I am so proud of myself
Old thought patterns & versions of me have presented themselves multiple times since reentering a reverse diet / improvement / covid interim season
I have had to mindfully implement & practice much of what I preach, believe in, & know is necessary to change the narrative & maintain my commitment to honoring myself
The disordered eating behaviors of my past saying 'have a bunch of xyz & especially when no one is around’ but that’s an OLD pattern
The self-loathing version of me has come up indiscreetly questioning if I’m really allowed to feel this good about myself or if I should sabotage my success
But for every old pattern I’ve had, there is a stronger & more available combating neural pathway that steps in & says ACTUALLY__
I’ve been repeating to myself, especially in moments where I want to slow down or take it easier or give in to the old selves, “I am worthy of the results I have created”
A lot of times self-sabotage is not a will power issue but a worth issue
If you don’t believe you are worthy of your happiness, confidence, peace of mind, or healthy nourishment in any form then your brain will encourage you to find homeostasis
Meaning, if you think one way about yourself but act in another, it throws the brain out of balance which some psych theories would suggest is absolutely undesirable & therefore we experience things like cognitive dissonance, guilt, shame, anxiety...
What we really are seeking is alignment between our current living self & our ideal self
But it’s not always so simple because if it was then you would have a new ideal self or a new self-actualizing ideal to achieve
We are always in a state of growth & development & you have the power within you to make your reality that of your desired reality!
I personally had to accept & embrace this as my new normal, new start point, & something I deserve so I can continue my progression!
I reflect on how far I’ve come, the mental challenges I’ve beat throughout my life, & the commitments I’ve made to myself
Regardless of standards, criteria, or goals outside of myself; I still deserve what I want & so do you!
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
Regardless of circumstance, I believe we can all choose what energy we want to exist in.
Yesterday my coach contacted me about my thoughts on continuing prep or pulling back because of the virus and shows being cancelled, lockdowns being mentioned, and so many unknowns.
I told him my gut was to continue the prep as planned but that my mind was in a more logical place considering if it is really healthiest or as conducive to my long term goals as a competitor to push these last 3 weeks, arguably since I would not have been reversing into the show, much more taxing and most stressful on body.
I asked him what his thoughts were and he said he wants my health to be the top priority and it doesn't make sense to keep going and pushing the body if it is likely to be cancelled but that he didn't want to sway me either way.
I am so grateful to have a coach who prioritizes my health and considers my wants. While every part of me wanted to go on, I have goals bigger than a show in 3 weeks.
This was actually the perfect time to pull out. My motivation, energy, and drive has been on a high note. My commitment is unwavering, mind is stable, and body is strong.
In fact, I believe everything happens with perfect timing.
Opting not to do this show has not changed much. If anything it has just reinforced that the motivation to work, improve, and commit to the process is still there even when the rug gets ripped out from under me.
I don't do this for the stage, I do it for me.
I also don't compete just to compete. I compete for myself, to be better, to represent my mission but also to win.
I know that this will set me up for even more success as we move forward this year. I am in the best place I could be in mentally, physically, and emotionally with this.
I am empowered by my vision, kept strong by my experiences, and driven by my purpose. I see no need to play with chance when the vision I have requires, demands, and deserves a level of certainty that we do not have right now.
While we never know what lies ahead, we are given moments in time to make what appear to be 'tough' decisions. In reality though, they are no different than any other decision.
All decisions are influential in our life.
Had I chosen to continue, I would have had a similar story about pivotal moments, commitment, drive, etc.
Because, this is not about the show or the stage or the body, it is about who I am regardless of those things.
Driven, committed, inspired, positive...
Making an educated decision, I believe, is going to allow me to really hone in on this lifestyle even more. 2017-2018 I prepped all year, 2018-2019 I restored my health and gained a lot more size as well as visible muscle maturity which came with a lot of weight gain that others might deem as 'unnecessary' but in my circumstance it was exactly as it was meant to be, and since around April 2019 I have been focused on getting back on prep and back into competition mode. By October we were prepping.
The point is, I am in this for the long run.
I could mope and complain about the timing and the outcomes but why would I? I have been given a gift.
I have achieved so much and have the opportunity to celebrate that with maintenance, improvement, and a new normal.
By not taking it to a certain completion, I am really opening myself up to evolution.
Sometimes we focus so much on a target we forget that at any moment, someone could move it and then what??
I am in such a peaceful place. I did cry about it. I felt all the emotions.
But I also journaled about it, focused on the positives, found freedom in the decision and have SO much excitement in me for what is next.
I am living in a healthy, functioning, beautiful body that I love.
I was living in a healthy, functioning, beautiful body that I loved in April and in my last season.
I of course want so badly to step on the stage, get requalified for nationals, get Sandy's feedback, and step on a national stage to compete and earn my pro card.
I have envisioned for months, years, and many hours myself with a crown on my head and a sword in my hand and an indescribable feeling of elation knowing I represent what it means to live my mission to truly BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY.
This moment, like any other, is amazing.
This circumstance, like any other, serves a purpose.
This challenge, like any other, will become my strength.
We are the ones who determine how we are defined, how we center ourselves, and what we choose to spend time focused on.
The fact that I was able to naturally immerse myself into a state of gratitude, peace, positivity, and complete trust in myself is as gratifying as any crown, sword, or qualification.
Myself, you, and everyone else going through this will be even better athletes because of it.
What a time to really focus on our mindsets and come face to face with what really needs our TLC right now.
Thank you for reading this, following my journey, and reaching out. I am so excited to continue evolving in love through this.
What's a memorable story without a plot twist anyways? ;)
We just keep moving forward! No matter what!
There will always be adversities to overcome, unknowns, and feelings to address
But I know in my heart that regardless of what happens I can say I’ve given and am giving my all
Some shows have been cancelled which is sad for so many reasons that even if i mentioned some it likely wouldn’t do justice to the feelings many impacted feel
So I’ll talk to what I love the most; the bright side
I see this as an opportunity for athletes, myself included, to dig even deeper and say “this is for me so no matter what happens I can still do this for me!”
Some will quit when they are given a reason to, others will persist
I’m choosing to persist and take each day on as it comes
We have to do what’s best for us and the long term game, especially in this sport!
WE got this fam😊👊🏼❤️
Ps if you’ve been listening to Confessions of a Bikini Pro Podcast and love it, I’m doing a special episode to celebrate 100 episodes!
Please call the podcast phone number: 424 262 2277
and leave a voicemail sharing how you listen to it or what you love about it or how it’s impacted your life or even a message for an athlete that’s been on!
Whatever positive you want to share about the podcast is welcome and may just be featured on a special episode if I get enough submissions!
It’s just something fun I thought I’d try as celebrating 100 episodes is really me celebrating you, my listeners!
In order to go to bed feeling accomplished and fulfilled we have to wake up with the drive and the grit to be better than we’ve been and find ways to do more with what we have
If we cannot control the outcome, we can control our influence and perception of each action required of us
I find so much peace in the moments I feel like I could breakdown because it has such an empowering feeling of persistence underlying it
It’s this metaphysical yet so in your face choice being presented to us to either give into the pain the fear the pressure the doubt or to rise up and step into a new identity
I just love that feeling of being on the brink of something
Like you’re going to get wherever you’re going only if you can keep going right then in THAT moment;
It’s this intense feeling that centers me in the presence and yet it feels so indescribable
I think those who know will know and understand
It’s just a piece of time where you’re literally facing the person you were and the person you’re becoming and you either step up or you fall down
And both of them are painful but one is more conducive to being prepared for facing the demands of tomorrow so the urgency to grow is so much more immediate and rewarding
It’s something I love about being a competitor
This feeling presents itself plenty of times in the improvement seasons and then there’s just something different in the air when we get closer and closer to our goals becoming our reality on the stage
As if we are not only here in the present but we are also calling upon the future version of ourselves and asking “what was it that you did today to be where you are now?”
And then going all in for the vision, trusting that it really is yours, and believing that you are more than capable, worthy, deserving, and willing to achieve the outcome
BUILD MORE THAN JUST A BODY
I’m happy with where we are & where we are going 🤩😊
This week I had a moment with my coach and basically asked him what makes him think I’ll be good to go in 4.5 weeks since he told me progress was on point
I asked him because my body is just so different this time around
I’m 1.5 years older
I have more muscle mass, maturity, and density
I have more balanced hormones
I am stronger
I just have so much more shape all around and my composition has changed noticeably
I’ve taken a longer prep with new approaches
I took a long improvement season and focused on really building and restoring my body unlike ANY other time in my life before
My 135lbs now is just completely different than its ever been in the past so of course my “stage ready” will probably look much different too
So I’ll admit I was feeling this fear of the unknown because 2017-2018 I just kept prepping
I wasn’t so much questioning “if” I’d be “ready” because I believe in myself, my coach’s plan, & my body
It wasn’t about that because honestly, I know it’ll be fine & I show up and execute every day
But it was more so a need for reassurance about how different my body is now and what that means for this prep
I’m not afraid to admit I was looking for that because it’s the reason I have a coach, tell me what to do, encourage me, & support the big vision
We both agree that it’ll be a new experience and physique for us both to learn from but that I’ll get where I need to be regardless
I feel positive about the direction we are headed and believe that I have been prepared by my past to face the future
I see this as an opportunity to keep growing inside and to of course #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY
I choose to look at each day like a mirror reflecting back to me all that I am, can be, and need to become in order to fulfill my dreams and commitments to myself
It goes so much deeper than the surface and that's a big reason I love this sport so much
At the end of the day, it’s about improving which can only be done by learning and relearning and committing and recommitting
Have you ever had similar experiences? I’d love to hear your story!😊
Reminding myself what I am capable of, how far I’ve come, all that I’ve accomplished, and the strength I have within me
When I feel the #prepfeels & sense a shift in my energy, I focus on challenging my perspectives often repeating things like;
I can pull myself out of any limiting or challenging emotional state
I can make myself energized when I feel like dragging
I can call on my various identities to take action that serves me in moving forward
I can shift my mindset and perceptions with ease
I choose to embrace the pain and struggle that is promised to me everytime I choose to improve
I can see what may stand in my way and develop combatives to make sure they don’t
I’ve done it before so I can do it now and I can do it better
I have the power and ability to do what I need to do to honor my goals, my next level self, and alllllll the progress I’ve committed to for thus far
I am worthy, capable, & deserving of being and going all in for myself and my vision
I have been challenged this past week with lower energy and hunger but it’s nearly inevitable in crunch time of prep
But when I alter my perception of the “struggle” and seize it as an “opportunity for growth” or “not that big of a deal” or “nothing I’ve never dealt with before”
I breed a confidence, calmness, and belief within me that regardless of how it feels, my perception can change how the feeling impacts me, my effort and therefore my results
Want to learn more about how to shift your mindset so you can make the most of your competition prep too?
Join my On-Demand Mindset Coaching Platform for Competitors today and get instant access to lessons, action steps, and mentorship centered around a specific struggle you are facing as a competitor
I created this platform so you can leverage your mind the way you leverage your body in generating success on and off the stage
You can learn more about it, take a sneak peek, and join by clicking here
Hope to see you in there to Build More than Just a Body 🏆🧠