One of the worst feelings is being so ashamed of your body that you cover up & miss experiences that would be amazing

I’ve been there though. There were days I would instantly wrap up in a towel or jump in the pool before people could see me

I used to sit in a towel by the pool or not even go in

I was also made fun of for my size as a kid & it stuck with me

I was called fat names that I carried with me into young adulthood

I told myself stories like if I wasn’t super lean with a flat stomach or muscles showing then I wasn’t good enough to be seen

I used to feel like my body wasn’t aligned to my identity because my definition of the identity was based on expectations I was not ready to fulfill yet

When I got really into fitness I thought I had to live up to others expectations

Like all the girls on social media who represent fitness I thought unless I look like them then people will think I’m a fraud or a bad trainer or not fit enough to do bikini comps

I thought I was supposed to be “the fit one” so I couldn’t have any extra body fat or a bigger waist or legs

Or even after a show going from super lean to get in the pool with friends & be like yep so Im not that lean anymore

But this isn’t something I deal with as much anymore. Thoughts cross my mind sometimes but I now know how to move through it

Even taking this pic wasn’t about my body it was to document the experience

Which I enjoyed happily in a bikini as a personal development coach, as a trainer, & oh ya as a HUMAN BEING

We are many things all at once

I am someone who is healthy, cares about & for my body, but also recognizes that life is so much more enjoyable w/o always worrying about how I look or if everyone is going to think I look ‘bigger’ or ‘smaller’

Funnily enough, the people who truly LOVE & care about me just get so excited about me being healthy, happy, & living my purpose

Everyone else’s opinion or thoughts are unknown unless said. If you think someone is thinking something about you it’s a reflection of your own beliefs & thoughts of yourself

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