Everyone and their mother had something to say about my weight, size, and body
 
It was like as soon as I gained a little bit of weight or was bloated or didn’t look show ready everyone wanted to ask me what happened
 
After my last show almost a year ago I was feeling VERY off with myself
 
My body wasn’t really responding well to anything I ate even the things that have been in my diet for over 5 years
 
I had to change up a lot of things pretty quick in an effort to get my period back
 
I was pretty depressed thinking I may not be able to have kids or compete again because I was told I was in menopause
 
and I had some binge episodes that I wasn’t proud of
 
Add on top of that having a very skewed view of my body, feeling lost, and comparing myself to others
 
We had a recipe for disaster
 
It didn’t last long thankfully because I had all the tools and knowledge to address it but damn it was still a big learning lesson
 
Considering I actually HAD to do something about it when I didn’t think I’d ever have those issues again
 
But that led me to develop new methods and I’m SUPER grateful for it because It helped me find my BIGGER purpose (I swear that’s why I had to go through it all)
 
Anyways, I went to the gym and people would say some rude things about my body like
 
“You look wider”
“You are getting bigger”
“How much weight have you already gained”
.
But I couldn’t blame them, I conditioned them to think making comments about my body all the time was fine/normal because when I was on prep I ate that shit up ;)
.
“leaner, muscles, veins, wow, looking amazing...”
.
So why was I so upset?
 
Because their words were a reflection of how I felt about myself so I twisted and changed their meaning to fit the negative narrative in my head
 
I legit hid in the spin room one night and cried and cried and cried on the bike because despite my efforts my body was fighting me and I had to just LOVE her anyways
 
That sucks to admit but I hated it
 
And ironically I was much lighter based on the scale, much leaner based on the body scanner, and much tighter based on how my clothing fit than I am now
 
BUT THAT DIDN’T MATTER
 
How I felt about myself, talked to myself, and treated myself dictated how everything else went
 
But like I said, I learned more, even committed to more of my psychology studies to the exact problems I was dealing with which helped a lot and I PRACTICED WHAT I PREACH
 
Now? If someone comments about my weight, size, or body at all it doesn’t impact my day as dramatically
 
If it’s a compliment or a weird question or statement I just say something like:
 
“thank you so much for noticing”
 
“yes I feel so much healthier & stronger I can’t wait to be back on stage but now isn’t the time”
 
“I’m focused on building muscle right now so it’s awesome to hear that!”
 
Or if I wanna really make them think I just say “i know isn’t it awesome! I’ve had my period for 5 months in a row now!” Lol
 
And sometimes even “I’ve been so proud of myself I’m taking such good care of my body and she’s loving me for it”
 
Any of these work for literally anyone could say to me
 
I still love being told I look amazing. But now I feel like I look amazing which means what anyone else says won’t further validate or devalidate that because I’ve already decided that I’m feeling good about myself right now
 
That’s the key, making peace with ourselves so our actions that follow are loving and move us forward and things like numbers or comments can’t ruin our day
 
If you haven’t listened to the latest episode of confessions of a bikini pro podcast it is the first coach’s week feature starring Adam Bonilla and he announced that I am his go to coach to refer his team to for all things mental in this sport now which is absolutely AMAZING
 
I feel completely honored that one of the best in the industry sees my value and knows what I can bring to the table for his girls
 
I use my exclusive PTG process that I developed to help competitors through the mental demands both prep and the improvement season can bring
 
Want a taste of it?
 
Click here to get access to the: FREE POST-SHOW BLUES COACHING SERIES

I’m also developing something insanely awesome for competitors right now and on top of that I’m about to release something pretty cool. All for free now to see what you guys think
 
in other words, Stay tuned ;)