People assume competitors who gain weight like this let themselves go. That’s the furthest thing from the truth for me… I pulled myself closer.

I can’t even begin to tell you the darkness I faced losing my mom & how many times I wanted to give up or give in. I didn’t. I kept executing on my lifestyle & didn’t cope in unhealthy ways. I honestly think so much of the weight I carried was trauma related. There were weeks on end where I did nothing but cry. I cried myself to sleep & woke up crying after losing her. Getting to the gym was so hard but I kept going. I didn’t ever turn to food for emotional void filling & I let myself feel.

I felt confident in myself because I didn’t give up on me. Plus when this video was taken it was the start of prep. I knew I was going to transform & all the building I did would pay off & it really has & continues to.

I am not ashamed or embarrassed. I’m proud. I put the work in & I’ll continue to. I think it’s important to show the “ups & downs” & honestly I think my body image became so healthy & I got so confident in myself that I wasn’t considerate enough of how it might impact future prep but I also didn’t change much & kept gaining which I think was a combination of physiological & psychological related influencers.

Someone at the gym asked me how much weight I’ve lost & the answer was 50 pounds which I didn’t even realize. While I wouldn’t & don’t plan to get that heavy again, I can say it wasn’t from any unhealthy binging or body image issues. I was confident then. It helped me approach prep in the best way possible too.

After this season @seeyoulaterleaner & i will reverse, recover, & find a nice healthy place & BUILD STRENGTH & SIZE which I CANNOT wait for. To be clear, I wasn’t unhealthy in the 1st video or even upset with myself. With all that said, I’m proud of my journey, & everyday of it is a new opportunity…

​It is 1 of extreme mental, emotional, spiritual, & physical growth. Not to mention moving, business expansion, getting my masters degree, changing coaches & finding a better way, standing up for myself more, learning about me, LIFE changes... This is why I say the mission is to #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY