People assume competitors who gain weight like this let themselves go. Thatâ€™s the furthest thing from the truth for meâ€¦ I pulled myself closer.
I canâ€™t even begin to tell you the darkness I faced losing my mom & how many times I wanted to give up or give in. I didnâ€™t. I kept executing on my lifestyle & didnâ€™t cope in unhealthy ways. I honestly think so much of the weight I carried was trauma related. There were weeks on end where I did nothing but cry. I cried myself to sleep & woke up crying after losing her. Getting to the gym was so hard but I kept going. I didnâ€™t ever turn to food for emotional void filling & I let myself feel.
I felt confident in myself because I didnâ€™t give up on me. Plus when this video was taken it was the start of prep. I knew I was going to transform & all the building I did would pay off & it really has & continues to.
I am not ashamed or embarrassed. Iâ€™m proud. I put the work in & Iâ€™ll continue to. I think itâ€™s important to show the â€œups & downsâ€ & honestly I think my body image became so healthy & I got so confident in myself that I wasnâ€™t considerate enough of how it might impact future prep but I also didnâ€™t change much & kept gaining which I think was a combination of physiological & psychological related influencers.
Someone at the gym asked me how much weight Iâ€™ve lost & the answer was 50 pounds which I didnâ€™t even realize. While I wouldnâ€™t & donâ€™t plan to get that heavy again, I can say it wasnâ€™t from any unhealthy binging or body image issues. I was confident then. It helped me approach prep in the best way possible too.
After this season @seeyoulaterleaner & i will reverse, recover, & find a nice healthy place & BUILD STRENGTH & SIZE which I CANNOT wait for. To be clear, I wasnâ€™t unhealthy in the 1st video or even upset with myself. With all that said, Iâ€™m proud of my journey, & everyday of it is a new opportunityâ€¦
â€‹It is 1 of extreme mental, emotional, spiritual, & physical growth. Not to mention moving, business expansion, getting my masters degree, changing coaches & finding a better way, standing up for myself more, learning about me, LIFE changes... This is why I say the mission is to #BUILDMORETHANJUSTABODY