YOU CANNOT ENJOY LIFE IF YOU ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY, ASHAMED, or DOUBTFUL
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I remember being so excited to finally go out to meals with my family and boyfriend again and actually eat with them, order off the menu, sit down with them, share food, and have an incredible time.
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But after my prep had come to an end, I realized the joy of eating out actually left me. 🤔 it was stolen by something much worse: guilt, fear, shame, and embarrassment.
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All through the prep I could go out to eat, bring my Tupperware happily, and ENJOY their company regardless of how bad I wanted a chip dipped in salsa. I was so deeply rooted in my identity of a competitor that it was easy (and necessary) to say ‘no, thank you’ when the aroma of the four cheese pizza enlightened my senses.
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I actually found I was able to become MORE present with the PEOPLE because I wasn’t there for the food.
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But then prep ended, and the joy was harder to find. Instead, I was constantly obsessing about what I was going to order, checking the nutrition facts trying to justify the choices in my head or convince myself I’d do more cardio or eat less later or the next day.
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I would explain and talk about what I was ordering and why over and over and over again as though it would help me feel better about wanting a burger and ordering it.
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I would also over explain ordering chicken breast or veggies as though I had something to prove. But the more I did this, the less interested people around me were in enjoying a meal together, because I wasn’t enjoyable.
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I would spend the whole time either physically expressing anxiety or emotionally feeling it so much that I was no longer present. All I was thinking about was the food, what people would think of me, and what I’d have to do to eat it (even if it was ‘healthy’ or ‘meal plan/macro’ friendly).
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My excitement dwindled for going out because I would feel crippled and embarrassed by my obsession with the food and i felt like I couldn’t be the best friend, girlfriend, daughter, or sister in those moments.
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One (of the many) days I had a breakdown over this to my mom, she said, “celeste, you keep saying you’re going to just enjoy yourself, yet all you keep doing is explaining why it’s okay and what it means and why it matters to you which shows me that you aren’t able to enjoy this because you’re still focused so much on your decision” (or something along those lines).
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That’s when it hit me that they COULD see it and they were IMPACTED by it 😪. I asked myself, what happened? Where did your healthy relationship with food go that you worked so hard for? And it hit me, I was ‘safe’ when I was over justifying everything but I was ‘unsafe’ when I chose to poke a wound that was fresh and hurting so badly.
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So what did I do? I got uncomfortable again. I chose to see what I was hiding from. Rewrite my limiting beliefs, choose new stories, and remember who I am and what my new intentions/goals are. I had to separate myself from my happy, fulfilled, proud, empowered prep identity and recreate my healthy, fulfilled, empowered, strong, life loving, improvement season self.
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I know I’m not the only competitor who has been through what I described. This is a common story that is not shared by most, I would even go as far as to say that it is not shared so much because of how painful it is from how ashamed we feel because we are not meeting a standard others might expect from us especially if as a competitor, or even as fitness & health coaches.
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Here’s the deal though, all the physical work is INCREDIBLE but it means nothing if your inner world is crumbling. The earth would not be such a powerful gravitational force supporting all our journeys without its CORE...just like you cannot create such epic momentum, results, and positive force without your HIGH VIBING HIGH FREQUENCY MAGNET OF YOUR SOUL and EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR INNER BEING.
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Let’s build more than just a body, There’s still time to join my 8-week Post-Show Personal development program. So if you’re in the improvement season, or coming off of a show, and have felt this way before, you absolutely must join us. Email me HERE to inquire / enroll!
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I’ll be teaching the principles and strategies that can help you develop a healthier relationship with yourself, your body, food, your goals, and your desires so that you can FULLY ENJOY all the things you’ve looked forward to and love❤️