I Was So Ashamed of Myself

After I got back from working a booth at the Olympia I found myself going back to old habits

I was:

➡️binging

➡️comparing myself to other athletes

➡️feeling like I had to work off or justify anything extra

➡️completely skewing the way I looked in my mind to be much worse than reality

➡️focusing on the numbers

➡️wanting to control EVERYTHING

➡️letting other people’s judgments get to me

➡️not giving myself any grace

➡️feeling SUPER ashamed that I had ‘gone backwards’

I knew I had to do something about it

One of the things I teach the competitors I work with is to identify their triggers

For me, & many of the women I’ve talked to, these are a lot of common ones

It was crazy to me though because I thought I “solved” my problems with food

I quickly remembered it has to be a conscious daily choice.

When I was in prep I just followed the plan, so I didn’t have to even think about it

But when you step into a new identity of “off season mode” with entirely different goals & some serious things to sort through

It doesn’t always work like that

I went back to what I knew about food freedom. I thought about what I’ve helped my clients with. I remembered what I did in 2015-2017 to overcome these behaviors

But I applied it to myself as a competitor who truly wants to continue to compete & be damn good

I was able to see where & why these patterns were coming up, what identity I needed to live in to feel better about myself & food, & I HAD to set new goals & standards that spanned well beyond a show day, a photo shoot, or an event

The only way I could release myself from the grips & pain of these behaviors was to let go of control, redefine my needs, & MAKE PEACE with where I was at

Since then, I haven’t had any binges, I haven’t compared my off season to anyone else’s, & I absolutely love the way I look

THIS is a healthy place to not just live from but also prep from

I think most competitors are only living up to a quarter of their true potential.

To truly feel fulfilled and excited by this journey in ways unimaginable peace, fulfillment, and gratitude all have to be found internally before they can be rewarded / represented externally

Last year I was able to keep going and going because I had spent Dec2015-April2017 making peace and being at peace with who I was and where I was

I’ll have longevity in this sport because I work ON myself before I work for anything else

Want to start making peace with your body, food and your goals?

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