It hasn’t always been so easy for me just because I have my shit together now & help other competitors make peace with food, their body & their goals

I struggled, hard. I picked myself up fast but it was rough

I was talking with my friend yesterday & she said it’s hard to imagine it was ever tough for you considering where u r now. That hit me

I documented so much of my journey from last year to now. Embracing my body, taking on the challenge of putting my health first, gaining more weight, changing things, etc

But it wasn’t the easiest job in the world just because I knew a lot of what it would take to get better

I share many vulnerable videos & private snap chats I sent to robbie or my close friends when I was goin through it in this post (SEE ALL PICS ON INSTAGRAM HERE)

I know way more now than I did last September luckily from my Psychology studies & of course experiences

But it was rough

Gaining more than 35 pounds after my last show gradually was a byproduct of me working hard to get my period back

I wasn’t even 10lbs up from my show when people were making comments about my body

Saying mean hurtful things & even receiving some DMs that weren’t so nice

I didn’t feel the need to justify my weight gain or put it out there because I felt that perpetuates the problem of attaching weight to worth

I didn’t say “ok I’m gunna gain x pounds to get my period back & make sure my ovaries are functioning” then go eat shit & stop moving

I lifted heavy 5-6 days a week, ate in a surplus of healthy foods, & didn’t do cardio. I cut out all stress from my life

Naturally, I gained weight bc this was different than my last 1.5yrs of prep

I also struggled with food. That pic in the ice cream store? I cried after my sis sent me that

I felt like a failure like a fraud I ate when I wasn’t even hungry & that thought ate me up

I covered up my body many days. I snuck into the garage when no one was home to eat Oreos, I ate when no one was home because then they couldn’t call me out

I felt lost like I’d never have kids or get my period or step on stage again like things were hanging on by a thread

But I persevered, stuck to my self-love practices, became mindful, snapped out of autopilot & did what I needed to do without the pressure of expectations or “norms”
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Now I’m healthy, have never loved my body more, & am competing out of pure love & Joy I have for it—not to change ME or my body

I am happy to have gained the knowledge & expertise through my studies but feel my relatability & true understanding of this sport makes a big difference in the results I’m getting with my girls as they trust me when it comes to applying it & so do their coaches

Thank you for reading all of this. If you did I truly appreciate you, hope you are okay, and am here for you❤️

If you’re looking for help with this. If you’re struggling post show. Or you’re having a hard time mentally with prep or the improvement season, REACH OUT FOR HELP

I have a free 7 day post show coaching series, a competitor card deck with affirmations actions and journal prompts

And on my YouTube I have videos on various topics like this and my blog with a competitor section

If you are ready for more 1:1 support, which I believe is vital, I have coaching programs and mentorship opportunities to provide the support, care, and coaching needed to move through this

If you’d like to learn more, Contact Me